Henry Cox and Michael Kunkel first visited Ireland in 2019 because Kunkel’s mother had always dreamed of visiting Ireland. They took the luxury train the Grand Hibernian, criss-crossing the country for five days.
On Easter Sunday, they worshipped together at St Patrick’s Cathedral, leaving their card with the dean, should the church “ever need help”.
The following year, the couple returned to Dublin in February 2020, staying at The Shelbourne, to celebrate their birthdays. They “fell in love” with the place, and on the flight home, Cox asked Kunkel “to retire and move with me to Ireland for a last big adventure”.
“In May 2020 I received an email from the dean at St Patrick’s saying he had saved my card and that they needed help because they had lost all tourist income. We stepped to the plate and the rest is history,” says Cox. “The friendship that developed ultimately opened many doors for us.”
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Cox, originally from Mississippi, went to college in Jackson and later ended up living and working in Washington DC.
Kunkel grew up in Ohio, until he joined the navy for four years in Washington DC. “I was never on a boat or submarine,” he laughs.
Kunkel ended up working at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts before “someone asked if I’d like to go to New York to work”.
He said the last thing he wanted to hear before he went to sleep each night was my voice. A couple of times he had to wake me up at one o’clock in the morning because he had friends who’d called him, but he wanted to speak to me last
— Cox on Kunkel
“I was so depressed my first year there, because it was a lower standard of living going from Washington to New York. I ended up working for a family there,” he says, adding that it was a great job with a family he respected.
“I lived in a lot of parts of New York city, but then I moved to Stanford, Connecticut, which I really liked because it was a 45-minute express train from Grand Central. You were close to the city but you could also get away from the craziness,” he says.
During this time he met Cox, who would become his husband.
“It was 10 years ago, at a church function in Washington DC. It was a fundraiser. I started my morning headed to my first board meeting at the National Opera Center in New York, and the train was late, so I was late getting back, but I had committed to go,” says Cox.
“I could have been tired and said I’m not going to go to it, but I had donated some art. I’m glad I did because I was introduced to Michael there by a friend,” he says.
It was pure chemistry; the pair clicked. “We just started chatting and I was leaving a couple of nights later and he asked me to get brunch. We did, and then we talked on the phone every night for about six weeks,” says Kunkel of their meeting.
Kunkel was “very sweet”, says Cox, because “he said the last thing he wanted to hear before he went to sleep each night was my voice”.
“A couple of times he had to wake me up at one o’clock in the morning because he had friends who’d called him, but he wanted to speak to me last,” he laughs.
Cox moved to Connecticut after just four months with Kunkel, a move that was “very easy” as he was no longer working and much more flexible than Kunkel could be due to his job.
“We didn’t really propose to each other. We just said that if we feel the same way in one year, let’s get married. And we did – and we did.”
The couple got married at an Episcopal church in Stanford, the first same-sex couple to do so.
“Both of us, especially Michael, have been very active in churches. We bought a house together in Southampton and got involved in the church there,” Cox says.
On the plane back from their trip to Ireland in 2019, Cox asked Kunkel “what did I think about retiring, and I said it was a possibility, but I wanted to finish the year out at work and find a replacement for my boss,” says Kunkel. “It all worked out and it was kind of spontaneous.”
The couple wanted to move somewhere English-speaking.
“It was between Ireland and England, but we ruled England out pretty quickly,” says Cox. The people are so welcoming in Ireland, and so helpful. Everybody opens doors for us, and we do the same.”
Dún Laoghaire is a wonderful area. We also really love Bloomsday; it’s a lot of fun
They put their house in the Hamptons up for sale in June 2020 and it sold fairly quickly.
“We packed everything and moved to our apartment in New York city and waited until the lease expired before moving to Ireland on February 17th, 2021 during the height of the pandemic,” says Cox.
The couple quarantined at The Shelbourne, and then moved to a boutique hotel for 57 nights while waiting for their furniture to arrive.
“It gave us time to learn the area and make renovations to the apartment,” says Cox.
They had envisioned life in Ireland being full of involvement in the arts and with churches. “We are now very involved with St Patrick’s, and we’re also one of the major contributors to the Irish National Opera. We go to every concert and we sit right behind the conductor,” says Cox, smiling.
They also support the UCD Choral Scholars and the Chamber Choir Ireland, and often have guests staying with them who are involved in the arts.
They “absolutely love” the area they live in, in Dún Laoghaire.
“It’s a wonderful area,” says Cox, describing memories such as New Year’s Eve last year, when 12 people from their apartment complex “went to the yacht club and danced and sang until 3 in the morning”.
“We also really love Bloomsday, it’s a lot of fun,” adds Cox.
Kunkel loves the location because “we’re only 20 minutes from the city centre on the Dart. The buses are great, too.”
Retirement in Ireland is treating the couple well, and Kunkel especially loves to spend time visiting art galleries and cycling.
“I love popping into the National Gallery. It’s wonderful because our bus lets us just out the side. I like sitting in Merrion Square and reading, or bicycling up and down the Coast Road. It’s wonderful that they have a separate cycle path in Dún Laoghaire,” he says.
Over the past two years here, the couple have “kept bumping into people that helped us”.
“Two young workers at Haddington House helped us unpack. Both of their dads helped us. One as a handyman, and another who advised us on arts philanthropy in Ireland. Doors just kept opening,” says Cox.
The talent in Ireland is “impressive”, the pair say, from its musicians, artists and playwrights, to poets and composers.
Ireland has been “a most welcoming country” and the people are a “lively, fun-loving bunch”, says Cox. “We have never experienced so much laughter among friends. It is truly a joy to live here,” he says.
We would like to hear from people who have moved to Ireland in the past 10 years. To get involved, email newtotheparish@irishtimes.com or tweet @newtotheparish
