MAL ROGERSstays at the Slieve Donard Hotel in Co. Down
THE LAST TIME I went into a hotel in Co Down I was asked in subdued tones which funeral I was attending. As I’d only stopped by for a drink I was a little taken aback. I muttered, “Oh that one over there,” and proceeded to spend a most convivial afternoon.
Arriving at the Slieve Donard Hotel, in Newcastle, I half-expected the same question, such was the prevailing air of dignity. But no such luck. On the other hand, the concierge in the very grand main hall was utterly welcoming. We got chatting, and then my companion asked the standard concierge question, purely to be a nuisance. “So what’s the most bizarre request you’ve ever had?” It’s always a good ploy, because a skilled concierge will have learned discretion early in his career. And so it was. Immediately, he came back with, “Ah well, there was a time when a bagpiper was due to play at a wedding so he was, and he cancelled. So we had to spend all morning trying to hire another one.”
We all laughed, knowing full well that this was unlikely to have been his biggest conciergiastic challenge. But it was a perfect answer – local colour, no betraying of any confidences, an implication of taking endless trouble.
But you would expect nothing less. The Slieve Donard was once one of the great railway hotels of Ireland, in its heyday attracting showbiz and sporting personalities. Some came to enjoy the view, some to play golf on the adjoining Royal County Down golf course and others to fish in the great salmon rivers of the area.
Being such an auspicious hotel, the downstairs public areas remain suitably impressive – chandeliers, giant paintings and memorabilia from more than 100 years’ worth of upmarket patronage. The delightful library and drawing room both look out over the magnificence of Dundrum Bay towards the Mournes. But – and it’s a big fat but – cocktails could not be served in any of these rooms. The sad news of the room embargo was delivered to us by the maitre d’, which somewhat dampened their appeal. Whether this was down to some local by-law relating to cocktails or to a stringent hotel regulation, or just to the fact the staff couldn’t be bothered, I couldn’t say. But we ended up having our drinks in the astonishingly unprepossessing Chaplin Bar – Charlie lodged here in 1920. The bar was as silent as one of Charlie’s movies, but markedly less cheerful.
Further cocktail surprises were to follow. A margarita had to be checked out by the barperson in the official cocktail menu book. She appeared never to have heard of one before. We were shown the recipe and asked if that was what we wanted. I settled for a gin and tonic – the Bellini I fancied wasn’t in the menu.
Dinner was served in the Oak Restaurant, which unlike the Chaplin Bar is a magnificent room. The food is adequate, if not particularly adventurous, the service attentive, the atmosphere subdued. Breakfast was passable but, once again, not exactly a festival of flavours. You can have the full Irish should you so wish, but when you’re on your holliers you want to be able to eat Rice Krispies with salmon should the humour take you. This, as far as I could see, wasn’t possible at the Slieve Donard. However, my pot of (delicious) coffee was served with an equally delicious chocolate doughnut.
In contrast to the Victorian ornateness of the public areas, the bedrooms are unfussily furnished, but they guarantee serious comfort. Most have splendid views – either across Dundrum Bay, where Slieve Donard sweeps down to the sea with its fellow Mournes, or towards the Royal County Down, one of the finest golf courses in the world.
No minibar in the bedroom, however. Where have all the minibars gone? Their disappearance is a worrying trend. But there are tea-making facilities – which presumably makes some people feel at home.
In fact homely is not a bad word for the Slieve Donard. It’s definitely not the liveliest hotel in Ireland, but it’s ideal if you want an unchallenging, contemplative weekend. The magnificent Newcastle beach begins right at the bottom of the hotel grounds. And the view across the bay is the deal clincher, with the huge crag of Slieve Donard almost rising directly out of the sea and dominating the town of Newcastle. It probably supports an entire postcard industry.
WhereSlieve Donard Resort and Spa, Downs Road, Newcastle, Co Down, 048-43721066, hastingshotels.com/ slieve/index.htm.
WhatFour-star hotel and spa.
Rooms178.
Best ratesDouble-room BB from £160 (€178).
Restaurants and barsThe Oak Restaurant is a traditional dining room; the Lighthouse Lounge, overlooking the spa, serves snackier stuff; the Horizon Juice Bar does almost exactly what it says on the tin, juicing you up while you gaze at the horizon; the Chaplin Bar is a dullish watering hole in the main hotel; and the Percy French Inn is a pub-bistro in the hotel grounds.
Child-friendlinessMinimal, although child-minding services can be arranged. The clientele tends to be older, without kids.
AccessSix rooms have wheelchair access.
AmenitiesPool, spa, fitness studio, business services, and banquet and conference facilities.