Stuck for something to do with your teenager at mid-term? Tony Clayton-Lea has one word for you: London
They're getting older now (he's 15, she's 13) and the reluctance to be seen with their parents (or even in their vicinity) is such that unless we're taking money out of an ATM machine to hand it to them, they'd really rather not be around us at all, thank you very much. Parents have their uses when offspring reach an age when they feel they can do without us most of the time - we can give them lifts here and there, we can make them brunch when they wake up just after noon, we can buy them clothes. And of course I've already mentioned that we can give them spending money.
When we mentioned to our kids a few months ago that perhaps they'd like to come over to London with us for a weekend, the thought of spending, like, days with us ("three days!?") didn't exactly, like, fill them with joy, but as the weeks flew by and as the flights, hotel and bits'n'bobs of entertainment were booked it seemed as if they had, like, no choice. London it was. "Where are we, like, going to go?" "What are we, like, going to do?" "Will we be, like, walking around with you all the time?" Ungrateful? No, just teenagers.
In the event, we had three days and three nights without a scowl, petulance, fidgeting, surliness, rudeness, laziness, smart-arsery, condescension, or moan-moan-moaning. The kids were in good form, too.
SHOPPING
We had three nights, and the best part of three days, so we knew there'd be a good chance of getting some shopping done. Instead of visiting Oxford Street, we tried to make the shopping experience different for them, and decided on Covent Garden. Between the upmarket shops and the downmarket stalls, the street magicians and musicians, and the general air of a city at ease with itself, it was deemed an area they'd certainly visit again.
As was Camden Street Market. An important note to parents - if you have young teenagers who think themselves hip to indie glam/goth/metal rock music, second-hand clothes, studenty designer threads, cheap T-shirts and every imaginable piece of flotsam and jetsam under the sun, then you are advised to visit this place. Yes, there are dodgy-looking characters around (particularly in Camden Town tube station, where some seedy characters openly offered me drugs), but by and large this is a safe, well organised and well secured, large covered/open market area. Our kids loved it - the best market they'd ever been to, they said.
DAY TRIP
Art galleries? Museums? Don't think so - there's a time and a place for these things, and this weekend wasn't it. As part of the "carrot" package deal, we promised the teens we'd bring them to a theme park. Thorpe Park is less than 30 miles from London, outside Staines (which is easily accessible from Waterloo Station). A one-day family (of four) ticket is £78 (€116) and this allows you free access to all the rides in the park. With a nod to hard rock/metal, all the best (that is, extreme, height-restricted) rides have titles such as Stealth, Slammer, Detonator, Nemesis, Inferno, Samurai, Tidal Wave, Rush and Colossus. In essence, these rides are perfect for teenagers because they present a level of (controlled) risk that gives them a sense of danger without the fear of imminent death. (www.thorpepark.co.uk; 00-44-870-444-4466.)
EATING
You gotta eat, right? The biggest mistake we made was making a beeline into TGI Friday for overpriced, glorified, smothered-in-sauce, fast food. Far better (tastier, cheaper, healthier, warmer) was the pre-theatre dinner in Boulevard Deli (40 Wellington Street, Covent Garden). Chunks of freshly-baked bread, thick-cut meats, smooth cheeses and crisp salads went down a treat. A trip to Chinatown is a London must, and although the weekend night we were there Gerard Street was being re-paved, the atmosphere still took some beating. Dinner in the family-friendly New Fook Lam Moon (10 Gerard Street) was terrific - no fuss, efficient and amiable service, a selection of duck, prawn, beef and chicken meals supplemented by rice.
NIGHTLIFE
What do you do with young teenagers at night? They're too old to get them to bed before 10pm, and too young to let them wander the streets alone (or even together). We found the trick was to take them to a West End play that appealed to their sense of humour and interests. We settled on The Producers (Drury Lane Theatre Royal, Catherine Street, 00-44-870-890-1109; Covent Garden underground) a comedy musical whose dull songs (to most teenagers, anyway, and certainly to this adult) were counterbalanced by jokes that were risqué without being offensive. A late-night taxi back to our hotel provided glances at how some adults behave with a few or more drinks in them. It's all ahead of them, we thought. Another night we went to the recently opened All Star Lanes (Victoria House, Bloomsbury Place, 00-44-207-025-2676, www.allstarlanes.co.uk; Holborn underground station). This is a luxury bowling venue. It's ever so slightly swish, with a six-lane alley, a sidebar diner and 1950s pin-ups wall murals. You could say it hit the right balance between noisy teen hang out and adult night out. Strike!
ACCOMMODATION
We chose the Landmark hotel for its accessibility to/from Heathrow - it backs onto the entrance of Marylebone tube station. It's one stop away from Paddington Station (from where the Heathrow Express operates), a few stops (on the Bakerloo tube line) from Waterloo, and three stops from Oxford Circus. We were lucky to get an upgrade to a very posh family room with enough privacy and space for everyone. Landmark London Hotel, 222 Marylebone, London NW1 6JQ; www.landmarklondon.co.uk.
DON'T GET RIPPED OFF
€100 does not go a long way in Britain; this is a hard lesson for kids to learn on their first trip to the capital, and an even harder one when they discover that they'll lose money reconverting sterling to euro. It is best to exchange money in your local bank and not at airports. And on NO account should you change euro into sterling at the vending machine in the baggage carousel area at Heathrow - £50 for €100 is an utter disgrace.