Big Brother could be big bother in a land of lawless rebels

EMISSIONS:Government take note – speed cameras are a an important weapon in the road safety battle, not merely a means of targeting the contents of people's wallets

SOME WEEKS ago, I ranted about the proliferation of speed cameras in Ireland, arguing that our green and pleasant land is beginning to resemble the Orwellian nightmare of a totalitarian dictatorship.

I take it all back. A recent trip to Britain made me realise we are, compared to the downtrodden inhabitants of that oppressive police state, living in Gomorrah.

In a taxi from Heathrow to Kensington, I was struck by the density of the forest of speed cameras along the M4.

“It’s blaahdy nonsense, maahte,” said my driver when I mentioned them. Veins bulging in his temples, he spent the next 40 minutes diligently pointing out every single spy along the route. They were on poles, on lamp posts, even perched atop buildings miles from the road. His commentary was eye-opening. And tedious.

There were 11 speed cameras on one notorious four-mile stretch alone. He was not a happy camper. I suspect past experience of being nabbed by the long arm of the law had a lot to do with it.

“Does all this surveillance help road safety?” I asked.

“Does it hell, maahte,” he said, before going off on one about how everyone is so terrified of getting busted for the most minor indiscretions, they get distracted from the fact they’re driving machines capable of causing untold carnage in the hands of someone not concentrating on what they’re doing.

He also reckoned the draconian attitude of the authorities was a major factor in road-rage incidents, as harassed motorists took out their frustration on each other. I didn’t disagree.

That said, nobody was speeding. Even blokes in Astons were tootling along, brow-beaten and sulking.

They love their fast cars in the UK. But what’s the point in having all that horsepower? The cameras mean they can’t use it anywhere. You may as well bring a bazooka to a pillow fight. I burst into ironic sniggering as we passed a Porsche dealership. It stuck out like a condom machine in a convent.

British drivers are followed by more cameras than Victoria Beckham. There are an estimated 5,000 speed cameras in Britain, including 500 in London alone.

On top of that, there is an untold number of traffic- monitoring cameras, automatic number-plate recognition (ANPR) cameras, bus-lane cameras, parking cameras and congestion-charge cameras.

And that’s before you count the 4.2 million CCTV cameras watching the proles’ every move. You can’t pick your nose on a city street in Britain without a dozen eagle-eyed sentries in a control room gathering around a screen to laugh at you.

To my point. I’m aware our lovely Government is hoping to roll out a network of privatised speed cameras in the near future, no doubt slavering at the prospect of using them to help fill the exchequer’s empty coffers. If they ever get their act together, the initiative is to be welcomed.

You see, I’m not against speed cameras per se. They are an important weapon in the road safety battle. But a carefully considered balance must be struck between targeting illegal behaviour and simply targeting the contents of people’s wallets.

So, a word of advice, lads. Be very, very careful how you tread. As the adage goes, treat everyone like criminals and they’ll act like criminals.

Even in Blighty, where the reserved denizens with their stiff upper lips would rather die than cause a fuss, there are ever-growing rumblings of discontent over the surveillance regime.

This atmosphere of resentment has already led to the emergence of the likes of self-appointed motorist’s crusader Captain Gatso intent on blowing up, decapitating and otherwise incapacitating as many cameras as possible.

If the heavy-handed approach has that effect over the water, imagine what it’d do in Ireland, a land populated by lawless, authority-hating rebels? There’d be a revolution.

Hmm. On second thoughts, stick them everywhere.