Reviewing a hairy situation

A recent survey claimed that most women find hirsute men a turn-off. But are hairless armpits really so desirable? Fionola Meredith wonders where all this 'manscaping' will lead

Body hair - it's virtually the distilled essence of masculinity, for centuries a potent symbol of raw male power and virility. Until recently, an abundant growth of body fur was something men desired and actively cultivated as an authentic marker of full-blooded maturity.

The hairy alpha male reached his apogee in the 1970s: a decade when rampant chest-rugs burst out of shirts unbuttoned to the navel as though by an uncontainable force. Back then, Germaine Greer described hairiness as "an index of bestiality, and an indication of aggressive sexuality".

But a recent UK survey by the electrical company Philips showed that 80 per cent of women find hirsute men a turn-off; only 4 per cent are still keen on the more elemental look. The new "smoothie" trend has been boosted by footballer Frank Lampard and his Chelsea team-mates, who revealed a dazzling display of hairless torsos and armpits after a recent match.

The research found that one in four hairy men felt self-conscious about their bodies. Many more confessed to tackling the thickets on their chests, armpits, buttocks, shoulders and backs with face razors, beard trimmers and even household scissors. Philips, who had a commercial interest in the results of the survey, hopes that its new all-over "Bodygroom" shaver will provide the right tool for those ticklishly sensitive jobs. Perhaps men will see it as a new form of DIY.

While rigorous personal grooming and waxing have been part of the gay aesthetic for years, it's only recently that heterosexual men have gingerly dipped a toe into the delights of "manscaping" - facials, manicures, pedicures, hair colouring, spray-on tanning, Botox, and many other "beauty" services traditionally associated with women. So is male hair-removal merely the latest innocuous phase in the metrosexual fashion for increased bodily awareness and enhanced personal grooming? Or are men blissfully waxing their bits oblivious to the fact that they are removing the very stuff which confers real masculinity upon them?

Given the atmosphere of confusion which surrounds modern male identity, hooking up to the cultural demands which have shaped and restricted female body image for thousands of years might not be such a smart move. From about 4,000BC onward, women have rid themselves of unwanted hair using depilatories such as arsenic, bats' blood and powdered viper.

And most women today maintain a meticulously thorough, almost clinical approach to suppressing the merest hint of fuzz, knowing the collective disgust for female hairiness that exists in Western society. (With the possible exception of Germany, where a high level of lady-hair is encouraged, and a man might be disappointed if his partner chose to shave her legs.)

Artifice is the key to modern female beauty. Women give their bodies a pummelling as they are hoisted up, strapped down, sculpted, injected, painted, depilated and bronzed in the ruthless - and fruitless - pursuit of perfection. Woe betide that the merest whiff of our natural animal origins should seep through the façade of cosmetic trickery.

It's a slippery slope, and men should scramble off it while they still have the chance. After all, where will all this "manscaping" lead? To the same doubts and insecurities about physical appearance that have plagued womankind? Do we really want our man spending hours primping and preening at the mirror before leaving the house? Do we want him locked in the bathroom crying because someone said his bum looked big in those jeans? Some women might find such behaviour just a teensy bit, well, emasculating. We like a certain earthiness in our men - it makes us feel precious and delicate.

All this male vanity only raises the bar for women, increasing the pressure on us to leap still higher in pursuit of the feminine ideal. And while we may not want them carpeted with Neanderthal-esque fur, we don't want too much competition in the beauty stakes either. We're the fairer sex, remember?