Rachel's story

`I'm from Cavan. Fifteen years ago I was living in Cork and I married there. It was a bad experience, so we separated. During that time I met a priest. I went to him for support during the separation. He gave me counselling.

For the next seven years he wooed me. He was very special, with a powerful personality. He filled a gap during a difficult time. We had lovely times together. Our physical relationship was very close. It was not marital, but it was intimate.

Now I realise he was just using me when I was vulnerable. It was a bad situation in my life and he made it worse. The whole time he was with me, he was in a committed relationship with a nun. She controlled his life completely. I'm not sure if they have a fully sexual relationship, but it's very close. She's like his wife.

They both remain in religious life. They go on holidays together. Nobody knows what is really going on between them, not even their families. He is not afraid of the hierarchy. His only worry is that she might be harmed if they are discovered.

When she realised he was involved with me, she kicked up. She wanted to have the unique relationship. It got to the stage where he would only see me once every four months or so. I didn't mind sharing, I understood he had known her longer than me. If it made joy, why not share the joy? I would never have entered into it if I had known about her. But she was very possessive, and I've never met such bitchiness, under the cloud of religion. So I cut it off. Nothing has changed in his life. If anything, he's more comfortable. But I'm devastated, heart-broken and miserable. I'm as dead as a dodo inside. I still care for him. He writes to me but I don't reply. Because of the nun.

`For a while I had hope, that I would become the special one. But she has this control over him. And now, when I think back on all the women who he told me were his friends, I'm wondering. They all probably got the same line as me. He was probably just a philanderer.

I heard about Bethany from another girl. The group is very supportive. I couldn't talk about this to anyone else. It has really kept my sanity."