OSCARAMA

Too artistically conservative, too politically liberal, Hollywood self-congratulation at its worst, ridiculously over-extended. . . everyone's got something bad to say about the Oscars, but somehow they still remain the world's most glamorous awards. Michael Dwyer and Donald Clarke offer their predictions as to who'll be thanking their family, their agents and God (not necessarily in that order) at Sunday night's ceremony, and recall some of the highs and lows of Oscars past

DONALD CLARKE ON THE COUCH

IN times past, Oscar enthusiasts on this side of the Atlantic had to wait until the next day to see television footage of the ceremony. If we wanted to instil some tension into our viewing of the highlights then, like James Bolam fleeing the football results in a classic episode of Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads, we would have to spend the day avoiding any news media, lest we caught sight of Fredric March or Cecil B DeMille clutching a statuette. Eventually the BBC deigned to broadcast live coverage, but, as happened with test matches, the Ryder Cup and various codes of rugby, bully-boy Sky subsequently pushed the weaker kid into a puddle and ran away with the ball.

To be fair, the BBC had it coming. Who can forget the grim sight of Jonathan Ross, anchoring the show from a shed in Pasadena, trying to coax insights out of celebrity pundit Linda Blair for three hours? But who's watching, anyway? Given the Academy's selfish decision to stage the event on the Pacific coast - coverage begins here at 1am on Sky Movies 1 - few domestic viewers, aside from the unemployed, night watchmen and Irish cousins of Ang Lee, will make it all the way through.

Oh, hang on, we are, of course, forgetting the gay community. Over the last few decades the Oscar house party has become the only annual celebration more lavender than the Eurovision jamboree. As I understand it, the main diversion at such events comes from sniggering knowingly at various unconvincingly married action heroes as they tear open envelopes. This year, however, we find conspicuous fabulousness throughout the nominations. Felicity Huffman, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are all up for performances in gay or transgendered roles. Celebrate!

OSCARS2006 - THE PREDICTIONS