Eoin Butler's guide to singles, downloads and free audiostreams

THE MUPPETS

Bohemian Rhapsody EMI***

The odds are stacked against this oddly amusing parody topping the charts for Christmas. If it does, it won’t be the first time that (ahem) muppets have scored a holiday No 1. Miss Piggy’s take on the “Nothing really matters” coda (more vacuous than despairing) is certainly original. But the smart money is still on . . .

JOE MCELDERRY

The Climb Syco Music*

X Factor winner Joe’s saccharine version of the Miley Cyrus hit is, naturally, the hot favourite for the Christmas No 1. With the usual insipid thematic bases all covered – dreams chased, battles fought, nagging voices proven wrong – it would take a brave person to bet against this steaming pile of excrement. Unless . . .

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

Killing in the Name Epic**

There's been an online appeal for fans of "real music" to download this track en masse and, in doing so, hopefully wrest control of the seasonal top spot from Simon Cowell's dastardly clutches. Unfortunately, the cure here is worse than the disease. It's not that I don't have a soft spot for the Killing in the Name. I seem to recall jumping up and down on my bed singing along to the track back in the day. Thing is, I was 12 at the time, which kinda says it all.

SUSAN BOYLE

I Dreamed a Dream Syco Music***

Susan Boyle is probably the least objectionable of the recent reality TV graduates. But by now her version of I Dreamed a Dream is probably too familiar to mount a serious chart assault. Surely there must be a fresher, more contemporary alternative out there?

TERRY WOGAN, ALED JONES & SHARON CORR

Silver Bells/Me and My Teddy Bear **

Alright, that’s it. I give up. See you in January, music fans! www. itunes.com