Man to man: tackling violence against women

Is it unfair to expect all men to speak out against domestic violence, or is that ultimately the only way to solve it, asks Fionola Meredith

It's often assumed that domestic violence is a women's issue. After all, the majority of victims, counsellors and campaigners are female, while most perpetrators are men. Often, the only male voices in debates on domestic violence are those of men's rights advocates, keen to highlight the problem of female violence against men.

But while many men repudiate violence against women, and would never dream of laying a finger on their wife or partner, they tend to steer clear of the emotive and uncomfortable issue of domestic violence.

"Real Men", a one-day conference organised by Amnesty International, is aimed at changing that situation. Due to take place next Monday in Belfast Castle, the event will feature a range of international speakers, including Patrick Lemmon, co-founder of Washington-based Men Can Stop Rape - a male youth empowerment programme promoting gender equity - and Michael Kaufman from Canada's White Ribbon Campaign, which asks men to wear a white ribbon as a personal pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.

Isn't targeting men who are innocent of any wrongdoing a bit unfair? It appears that non-perpetrating men are being asked to take a kind of collective responsibility for male violence in general. Another problem with these kind of well-meaning campaigns is that they come across as rather pious and preachy. Will men simply feel they are being given a lecture on their moral failings?

Robert Ferguson (34) from Belfast resents being asked to take any measure of blame for male violence. He thinks that it's wrong to call on men to be their brothers' keepers.

"Campaigns like this just buy into the old male stereotypes of aggressiveness and violence. Sure, there are a lot of bad eggs out there, who treat their partners terribly. But I don't - so why should I feel guilty, just because I am the same sex as the offenders?"

But what if you personally witnessed a woman being publicly mistreated by her partner - would you intervene? "I'd like to think I would, but men are fearful of angry men, too. If I'm honest, I'd be worried I'd get my own head kicked in."

But Patrick Lemmon, of Men Can Stop Rape, believes that asking men to stand in solidarity alongside women benefits everybody - not just women.

"Men want their female friends and family to be healthier and safer. It's also about offering young men a way out of unhealthy expectations about the nature of masculinity. Anger is the only emotion that real men are allowed to have. How can men be empathetic if they were never taught about emotions? It's scary and sad in a lot of ways."

That's a view that resonates with Michael Kaufman, of the White Ribbon Campaign. He too believes in the need to challenge "the impossible emotional demands patriarchy places on boys and men to fit into the tight pants of masculinity".

He adds that it's vital that men are active participants in attempting to end violence against women, not merely benign and ineffectual bystanders.

"Men and boys will listen to other men and boys far more than they will listen to the anger or pleas of women or to a disembodied media voice. Through participation, men and boys will feel a sense of 'ownership' of the problem, a personal relationship to the issue and a stake in the process of change. Such a feeling, in turn, will unleash greater energies and unlock new resources that can be used to end the violence."

Other contributors to next Monday's conference will include Lesley Anne Foster of Masimanyane Men's Project from South Africa and Monira Rahman of the Acid Survivors Foundation from Bangladesh. Organiser Patricia Campbell of Amnesty hopes that the conference, which will be attended by men's groups, voluntary organisations, social services and the police, will encourage men to get involved in working against domestic violence.

Campbell thinks that part of the problem is the 'head-in-the-sand' approach that many men take to the issue of domestic violence.

"Research carried out for Amnesty indicates that many men feel they have little personal knowledge about violence against women. It is seen as a daunting, emotionally charged issue and therefore very hard to talk about 'safely' or meaningfully, and there is a real sense of powerlessness, with men unclear as to what they can or should do about it.

"A survey showed that 74 per cent of men would call the police or an animal welfare charity if they knew someone was kicking or mistreating their dog, while only 53 per cent would report to the police if they knew someone was kicking or mistreating their partner."

But perhaps, as Robert Ferguson suggests, the problem is less to do with ignorance, and much more to do with the lurking male fear of standing up to other men.

Joanna McMinn, director of the National Women's Council of Ireland, welcomes the "Real Men" initiative because she believes it will encourage men to speak out. "Men do find it difficult to challenge other men. For example, if someone makes an inappropriate joke or comment in the pub, a man is more likely to leave rather than confront the other man."

While encouraging men to become both more emotionally literate and more aware of the trauma caused by domestic violence is a worthy aspiration, what concrete changes does Amnesty hope to see as a result of the "Real Men" conference?

Campbell says, "this is the first time anything like this has been done in Northern Ireland, so at the very least we hope it will act as a catalyst for debate. Beyond that, we would like to see educational and campaign projects, similar to the White Ribbon Campaign, starting up here."

The "real men" initiative is part of a worldwide Amnesty effort to tackle violence against women. Last year, Amnesty's Dublin office claimed that violence against women is widespread in Ireland, and that the Irish Government is not doing enough to identify, combat and address the problem. It claimed that "one in four women in Ireland experience sexual abuse in their lifetime, and at least one in five who have been in an intimate relationship with a man have experienced systematic violence from a partner."

But men's rights campaigners have attacked Amnesty's approach, accusing them of sexism in failing to consider male victims of domestic abuse.

Mary Cleary of Amen, an Irish voluntary group which provides support for male victims of domestic abuse and their children, says that "groups like Amnesty, who run campaigns which exclude male victims are polarising the debate". She believes that such initiatives create "further barriers to men reporting and further isolates and marginalises them".

So should Amnesty be focusing more on the needs of battered men? Campbell responds: "We're not condoning female on male violence, or trying to say that men aren't victims, but they do remain in a tiny minority. Violence against women is the greatest human rights scandal of our times."

Michael Lynch, of the Derry-based Men's Action Network, which works with men who have anger-management problems, plans to attend the conference. He thinks the issue is quite simple.

"There's really no need for debate. Men are the source of this problem, so they must be part of the solution. Men should be asking - what is my responsibility and how can I help?"

More information on the "Real Men" Conference at Belfast Castle on Mon, Apr 3, is available from www.amnesty.org.uk/ni/events