After the disastrous Warcraft, Hollywood sets its sights on more game adaptations

Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry are getting the big-budget movie treatment, and so are Tetris, Asteroids and Roller Coaster Tycoon

Michael Fassbender in Assassin’s Creed. Photograph:  20th Century Fox

Michael Fassbender in Assassin’s Creed. Photograph: 20th Century Fox

 

This week’s release of Warcraft sees another addition to ranks of unwatchable video game movies. Studios are fighting for a slice of games industry money, blithely ruining our childhoods in the process.

On Rotten Tomatoes, the most highly rated (at only 44 per cent) game-to-movie adaptation, is 2001’s Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, a film that bombed so spectacularly, it caused the studio behind it to collapse.

Yet no matter how many game-to-movie box-office bombs there are, the studios still keep churning them out, ever eager jump at anything with a ready-made fan base. Here are some in production that may or may not finally break the run of awfulness.

Assassin’s Creed
While the game has a great story and characters, it involves a lot of hiding from guards in piles of hay. Unless they restart the movie every time Fassbender gets caught, it probably won’t have the same level of tension.

Roller Coaster Tycoon
The purpose of the game is to build insane roller coasters, entertain customers and carefully place bathrooms next to the exits. Hopefully, the movie’s villain will be a child who sends people on half-built rides to see what happens.

Far Cry
Previously adapted into a film by legendary game-ruiner Uwe Boll, the studios have decided to give it another shot. My only memory from the game is punching a shark to death and turning it into a wallet, so the film certainly has potential.

Tetris
It’s produced by the same guy who made Mortal Kombat, so keep expectations low. The plot will likely involve invading aliens and an intrepid hero who will construct a big wall to stop them. Or am I mixing that up with a US presidential soundbite?

Asteroids
The 1979 game where you shoot dots at rocks with a triangle? Yeah, that’s being made into a movie. What’s next, Pong?

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