COLLEGE ROAD TRIP

THIS routinely dismal family comedy finds Raven-Symoné, once that horrible little child on The Cosby Show, arguing with dad Martin Lawrence, horrible in his own unique manner, about her choice of college.

Directed by Roger Kumble. Starring Martin Lawrence, Raven-Symoné, Donny Osmond, Will Sasso, Arnetia Walker G cert *

A resident of Chicago, he wants her to attend Northwestern University in that city's suburbs, but, eager to spread her wings, she longs to study at Georgetown in Washington DC. You'd hardly blame her. Would you? If my dad were Martin Lawrence I'd consider colleges on the outermost moons of Jupiter or in some hitherto inaccessible parallel universe.

Anyway, Pa Lawrence being a protective sort of fellow, he decides to drive his daughter to her interview in the American capital. Along the way, the two leads fall off stuff, misconstrue one another and eventually come to some sort of gruesome understanding. You know the sort of thing.

It is a measure of the film's poor quality that Donny Osmond's repeated appearances as an overly perky parent gradually seem more amusing until, by the close, I found myself howling insanely at every syllable the middle-aged Mormon uttered. Mind you, any sane person trapped in a cinema with Martin Lawrence would eventually find scabies or gangrene gut-bustingly hilarious. Will you please leave us alone, man? I'm asking nicely.