All's not fair in love and romance novels

With titles under her belt such as 'Secrets of the Oasis' and 'The Restless Billionaire', DAISY CUMMINS, a nominee for 'Love Story of the Year', reveals the ingredients of a Mills & Boon story

THERE ARE A couple of misconceptions that have to be cleared up first, and one major one. First, it is not easy to write a romance novel. If I had a euro for the number of times that someone has said to me, “Sure it’s a computer program isn’t it? You just change the names around,” or, “It’s just a formula isn’t it?”, I would be extremely rich and living in a villa on Lake Como with George Clooney in my (binocular) sights.

Alas, I am not.

But, there is no reason why you can’t make a perfectly respectable living out of writing romance, and Harlequin Mills & Boon are the byword in this genre. They are a global brand. If they publish you, you are automatically guaranteed sales around the world on a par with some of the biggest authors in fiction today.

So, do you want to work from home, have a career that you can work your family around? And work around your family? Do you love romance novels? Have you got a half- written novel in a drawer? Well, get comfortable and I’ll tell you the secret (after all it’s just a computer program/formula innit?).

The secret is this: there is no magical computer program or formula.

Believe me, there’s many a time I wished there was. It’s hard work, and you need to know the genre backwards. A loyal reader can sniff a cynical or insincere author a mile away.

Because of the slightly shorter word count (generally 50,000) the stories focus very intensely on the hero and heroine. There is no room for extraneous characters or scatty, lovable friends. It’s a bit like writing naked, there’s nowhere to hide. (Not that I’ve ever tried to write while naked.) There is sex and it is hot, and relatively graphic, without being so graphic that it pulls you out of the story. No purple prose, please.

The main thrust (pun intended) of the stories is this: alpha male meets girl next door and sweeps her off her feet to some gorgeous exotic setting where he ravishes her. There is conflict, but this is largely internal, ie you can’t use a car crash as a handy device to drive your characters apart; it has to come from within them, from their unique personalities. It’s like real life: boy meets girl but ultimately if they are going to get together they have to overcome their hang-ups and psychological frailties.

If you are serious about writing for Mills & Boon, you need to read them. A lot of them. Find the ones you like and analyse the storylines and themes. Why are they relevant? Can you do the same thing but shake it up a bit? Mills & Boon want new authors who can put a fresh spin on old and well-loved themes.

The fantastical aspects of the books – the alpha male hero and the uber-glamorous exotic settings are just the icing on the cake. It’s like a James Bond story. Readers expect certain trademark elements to be catered for; James Bond in a tropical yet dangerous idyll, with his beautiful women and his martinis shaken and not stirred. Imagine if Fleming had changed his modus operandi and introduced a teetotal Bond settling down with his pipe by the fire for a celibate night in? We might never have seen Daniel Craig in those trunks. Perish the thought. (I never was a huge fan of the blue trunks myself but I’m going with the general female/gay consensus here.)

The central theme of a Mills & Boon is no different from books like Wuthering Heights (what is Heathcliff if not the ultimate alpha male?), Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre. Their scale is just more epic and melodramatic. The essential ingredients are the same: man meets woman, they fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s as simple as that. With a bit of blood sweat and tears thrown in.

Like I said, it’s not easy.

Daisy Cummins writes for Mills & Boon under the pseudonym Abby Green. Her story Bride in a Gilded Cagehas been shortlisted for the RNA Love Story of the Year Award 2011. The winner is announced on March 7th