Liquid Latex

You are young, idle, rich and gorgeous, and you're headed out on the town

You are young, idle, rich and gorgeous, and you're headed out on the town. You throw open the double-doors of your walk-in wardrobe, and then it hits you - you have no clothes at all! Technically, the closet is full, but no one would wear any of that rubbish from last month or even before. But what can you do? It's way too late to go shopping, and you're too proud to borrow from your friends.

Dry those tiny tears, my pretty, because science has come to your rescue.

Who needs clothes when you can apply quick-drying liquid latex onto your body, then spray-paint yourself whatever colour you want?

Simply remove most of your body hair, rub skin with moisturiser, then paint on the latex. "The latex will shrink approximately 3 to 4 per cent as it dries, creating a sensual, tight feeling," says the manufacturer. "It is not suitable for use as a contraceptive."

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Cyberdermis Liquid Latex, around £18 (€23) is available from the Gadget Shop in Dublin and Belfast, and from www.gadgetshop.com

smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie