Investing in business etiquette pays dividends

Rudeness often rules in the workplace, but good manners are better for business, says consultant.

Rudeness often rules in the workplace, but good manners are better for business, says consultant.

Manners maketh the person, to paraphrase William of Wykeham but, in today's stress-fuelled workplace, rudeness often rules and there's a price to be paid, according to business consultant Pamela Fay.

"When you don't get the job or the promotion or the invite to the event you really wanted to go to, sometimes it's because you just don't have the manners," she says. "What's worse, people will never tell you."

Fay has spent the past six months talking to senior business people about business etiquette and says that, if anything, good manners are increasing in importance. "People are moving so fast and working so quickly, they often don't take the time for the basics like saying please or thank you," she says.

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"College leavers are part of the computer generation and may never have sat down to eat with their families on a regular basis, which means they might not have learnt table manners," says Fay. "But when it comes choosing between two equal candidates for a job, every human resources person I spoke to said they'd pick the one with good manners first."

Fay has developed two courses to help people improve their social skills in response to what she says is an overwhelming demand from businesses.

The first course is targeted at individuals who are looking for a job, going for promotion or starting their own business, and who want to be at the top of their game.

The second is designed for companies that want to ensure their employees are the best possible ambassadors for the business.

"People on the receiving end of bad manners see it as a lack of respect and companies really need to be sure that their employees aren't communicating that in any way to customers," says Fay.

She also believes that taking the time to learn good manners can have a positive impact on someone's career in several ways.

"Research shows that 40 per cent of us experience some form of social anxiety and 75 per cent of us experience anxiety when going to a social or networking event. People's anxiety can often cause them to be rude but learning good social skills will help reduce that anxiety," says Fay. "It's not knowing what to do that stresses people out most of all."

So what are the most common business etiquette faux pas? "Forgetting people's names isn't bad manners but ignoring them because you can't remember their name is. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how you handle the mistakes. In the instance of forgetting someone's name, you simply apologise and ask for their name again," she says.

Bad language in business meetings is an obvious no-no, as is sexist or racist language or telling sexist or racist jokes. Answering a mobile phone during a meeting or allowing the mobile phone to take precedence over the person you are with is another common example of modern bad manners.

According to Fay, there are three fundamental principles of good manners.

The first is consideration, both for yourself and for the people around you. "You need to be considerate towards yourself because, if you allow yourself to get stressed, you will be rude to people."

Respect for other people and honesty in your dealings with them are the two other key issues. "If you're the sort of person who leaves the office at the time you're supposed to be meeting someone, you need to think how respectful you're being to that person. Calling to say you're running five minutes late when you know you'll be at least another 20 minutes is dishonest," she says.

Fay's overall rule is that manners mean never putting anyone under pressure. But how does that square in today's business world?

"Business is all about building relationships and one of the worst ways of damaging a relationship is stressing someone out," she says.

"If pressure is part of the job then it should be explained and there needs to be regular reviews and also feedback."

According to Fay, manners also require consistency. "You can't be super polite one day and really rude the next. It's all about setting standards and sticking to them."

So what of the unbelievers, the people who think that rudeness is no bad thing if it gets you what you want? "I once had a property guy at a course I ran tell me that he didn't get where he was by worrying about manners. But the point is that even if you don't think it's important, your target audience probably does. If you're going to talk to a bank or an important client or someone you want to impress, they're not going to be impressed by rudeness."

Find out how much you know about good business manners by taking Pamela Fay's online quiz at www.businessetiquette.ie