Mechanic wanted (Glasgow Area): Must be capable of putting wheels back on wagon. Contact Parkhead. Yep, Celtic are the butt of all the old jokes these days, and are now being linked with. . . well, you name him, Celtic are been linked with him.

If we've got it right then Joe Kinnear, Tommy Burns, Mick McCarthy, Martin O'Neill, Roy Evans, Steve McMahon, Wim Jansen and Harry Redknapp will soon fill John Barnes's big boots, in what would be an extraordinary joint-managerial project. On the playing front, Shay Given is tipped for a return to the club. Mark Viduka, Eyal Berkovic and Lubomir Moravcik, meanwhile, are all rumoured to be on their way out of Parkhead, with the club hoping to pick up about £10 million for Viduka who insists he will only move to Spain, Italy or a club at the top end of England's Premiership (which rules out Spurs, we suppose).