Sinking a few Castles in the Absa car parks

ON TOUR:HAVING REALISED before kick-off last Saturday that I'd never witnessed a Lions victory, it struck me that the last time the Lions actually won a Test match was in Brisbane 2001. Negative thinking you might say, but, hey, if you think the worst before it happens, it's not so bad when it does happen. Or is that positive thinking?. asks RISTEÁRD COOPER

Anyway there were plenty of parties in the car park of Durban’s great Absa Stadium after that nerve-shredder of a match. In the surrounding fields, people set up camp, took out the barbecue from the back of the jeep, cracked open a few Castles (South African beer) and “got it on”.

Nobody using your foot as a loo, no security issues and no trouble. It’s what we used to call in Ireland craic, if only we had the weather, the money and the “no crime” thing. Even inside the stadium, bars didn’t close until well into the early hours, eh apparently. However, as they say on the news, the evening passed off without incident.

Mind you, there were plenty of assaults on the pitch. In the lead up to the first try Bakkies Botha seemed to think Brian O’Driscoll would like to know what it felt like to have his forearm digging into his throat, while he lay on top of him, pinned him to the ground and threatened to box him repeatedly in the head.

By all accounts Bakkies is an avid Bible reader and as close as you can get to our creator, without actually meeting him or her. But it looked remarkably like he was attempting to bring BOD, as it were, closer to God. In fact if it wasn’t for our saviour’s courage (BOD that is) in getting a few digs back on the big, scary, lump, Bakkies would surely have had his way with him.

When Alun Wyn-Jones eventually came to his aid, he politely pulled big Baakies away rather than using the part of one’s body where boots are usually worn to test out the part of the body where jock-straps are usually worn. For all Sky Sports cameras and ad nauseum reminders of their “exclusivity”, there was not a jot of evidence caught on screen. Maybe Bakkies is also close to the director.

In keeping with the rest of his performance Bryce Lawrence and his assistants saw diddly-squat off the ball, apart from the mildest retaliation from Matthew Rees to a bang from the angelic Bismarck du Plessis, the man who had earlier held a clenched fist over a prostrate O’Driscoll.

All part of the game maybe, but you can’t help feeling that French TMO Christophe Berdos will feel a little irked to be mis-interpreted and then overruled by the Kiwi after Ugo Monye blew his first chance of the match. During one of the longest of longeurs where Berdos continually told him to award a five-metre scrum, Lawrence said: “Thank you, 22 drop-out.”

The Boks quickly kicked down the far end, got a scrum, a penalty and three points. 10-0 instead of a possible or 7-3 or better.

Before the match we met up with a scarred and battered Trevor Brennan who had been playing for the Lions Legends against their Springboks equivalent the previous day. He informed us that the nine-stitch scar above his right eye and “mild concussion” was as a result of a clash of heads with the great Gary Teichmann. When we interviewed Teichman for our on-line TV broadcast 10 minutes later, we were a tad puzzled as to how he escaped unmarked. When prompted he said: “I think Brennan is more concussed than he thinks. I did not play in that game.”

Having arrived back in Cape Town relatively unharmed ourselves, the mood amongst the Irish contingent is that we should have a larger presence in the second Test. Surprising eh?

Enduring the conditions of Tuesday’s match at Newland’s was tricky for spectators to negotiate, never mind the players. You’d have to conclude the decision to award the captaincy to Ronan O’Gara and then remove him for James Hook, either means he will start on Saturday or he won’t even make the bench.

Regardless of who the selectors go with, I know who I would want lining up a kick to win a Test match, and it’s not Hook or Jones.

Lions Inc appears to be a very delicate animal. Having agreed terms for a lucrative Living with the Lions documentary (an attempt to reprise the success of the ’97 version) it seems chasethelions.com represent a threat to the exclusivity of their access. If the decision was based on pure economics it would be understandable, but we’ve been singularly told that on the basis of our “track record” we are not even welcome at the press conferences. Not in itself a huge blow, as most press conferences are about as inspirational as a Westlife concert, but with 14 Irish Lions originally chosen on this tour the denial of the only Irish film crew on the tour seems a tad desperate. Could it be they don’t like our little operation?

From what we’ve seen Ian McGeechan’s media addresses have become more entertaining of late, as fervent loyalty to the cause sometimes obscures his logic. His response to the mid-week draw?

“We were in a no-win situation with this match. Unless of course we won. The most important thing was not to lose and we didn’t lose. We didn’t win either, but that’s the nature of a draw.”

Now that’s positve thinking. How much is he on again?

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