Rough guide to one man's lonely planet

LockerRoom/Tom Humphries  Keano - The Index That Shocked a Generation: Austria: 178, annexation plan 180-81

LockerRoom/Tom Humphries  Keano - The Index That Shocked a Generation: Austria: 178, annexation plan 180-81. Bambi: early relationship with 27-29, eats raw 119, relatives, sued by 126-32.

Beckham: David, affection for 100, request to play central midfield 100, visiting hours 100.

Charlton: Jack, fishing, RK discovers that JC knows nothing of 111-14, fraud 113-14, Irish, not even 113, war against 113-17.

Dervan: Cathal, early relationship with 39-40, eats raw 40, finds greasy 41, relatives, thanked by 147.

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God: Cork, by grace of 3, 7, 10, dispute with 139-142, settlement with 144.

Evans: Ian "Taff", Welsh, not even 120

Fawkes, Guy: funding for 56-7, plays testimonial for 60.

Ferguson: Alex, first apparition 47-49, first miracle 58-60, God, mistaken for 165, 166

Frequent Flyer Miles better than World Cup: 213, gets bonus 214, gets gold card 215.

Haaland: Alf Inge, Christmas card from 77, joke, practical (with) 99-101, misunderstanding 101-105, prison, because of 106-110.

Hasselbaink: Jimmy Floyd, dairy products 142, dietary patterns 139-42, pizza ordering technique of 143, wonders what JFH is eating right now 143, 178, 218.

Kahn: Aga, RK's charitable donations to 192.

Kahn: Genghis, influence of 193.

Kahn: Oliver, performance versus Ireland 194.

Kahn: Chaka, grand girl 195, romantic notions 195, tribe of Keane-Kahns? 195.

Kennedy: JF, Monroe, dispute over 67-68.

Kennedy: Michael, burning bush incident 244, infallibility of 223, inflammability of 244.

Locomotiv Moscow: 236-37.

De Rossa: Phrionsias 238.

Libel laws: 238, fallibility of 239, innocent victims of 240.

McCarthy: Mick, assessment of as b***ocks 109, as c**t 110, as w***er 111, first touch 112-113.

Moon: cow jumps over 220, howls at 201, Keith, drinking with 23-24.

Mouse: Mickey, analysis of performance within FAI 234-5, criticism of dress sense 236-7.

Oswald: Lee Harvey, uses as patsy 67-68.

Presley: Elvis, arraignment and trial 245-6, as room-mate 241-2, friendship with 243, RK's You're-Not-Singing- Anymore taunt 245, wedding, best man 244, writes Are You Lonesome Tonight for RK 245.

Robinson: Mary, liberal agenda killing football 201-03.

Rolexes: mass smashing of 236.

Sandwiches: cheese 213-216.

Saipan: barbecue location 239, bumpiness 240-46, flight schedules from 247-249.

Satan: Steve captains Ireland 230-35, RK rejects deeds of 241-42.

Simpson: Bart, comparison with Dervan, Cathal 132.

Simpson: Homer, comparison with McCarthy, Mick 132.

Simpson: Marge, comparison with Evans, Ian 132.

Spring: Dick, bollox, 135.

Stone: Oliver, key errors in movie JFK 70.

Taliban: captain of 195-196, flirts with 194, goes home from 197, takes revenge on 198, "waited long enough" 198.

Triggs: assessment of 19-27, dislike of cats, shared 28, first touch, (see Mick McCarthy above)

Manchester United: career 23-26,

walks with 8, 10, 24, 97, 120.

Mass: occasions missed 193.

Quinn: Niall, assessment of 191-2, hell, prospects in 240.

Theresa: Mother, mistaken for 193, pace similar to 194.

World Cup: assessment of as televisual experience 290, compared to frequent flyer miles 213.

World, News of: breaks heart 57, 89, 123; gets it wrong 45, 89, 90, 178. 203; invades privacy 67, 89, 103, 145, 245; sale of serialisation rights to 289-90.