Players ape monkeys

Have you often lain awake at night wondering why male footballers touch each other when, at any other time, men see touching each other as unacceptable? Us neither, but this is precisely the topic that Dr Linda Kneidinger of Temple University in Philadelphia chose to study because, we can only assume, she had a lot of time on her hands. Her conclusions? "Celebrating goals by slapping each other and kissing is similar to ape-like bonding rituals used by monkeys. Apes and football-playing men touch each other to celebrate victory in a way previously only seen in primates."

As avid watchers of National Geographic's monkey programmes we can report that we have yet to see a gorilla cart-wheeling through the jungle, lifting his shirt over his head to reveal a t-shirt with "hello mum" written on it or making provocative gestures towards groups of baboons when he has cause to celebrate. But who are we to argue with Dr Linda Kneidinger? By the way, the other significant finding in her study was that sportsmen are 20 times more likely than sportswomen to slap each others bottoms when playing. Streuth. As Reg Holdsworth once put it, "knowledge is power".