PlanetSwitzerland

EURO 2004: Around these parts we've always been great admirers of English football chants and tunes, but we reckon the folk at West Brom and Liverpool need to work a little harder on their "terrace" tributes to their Swiss internationals Bernt Haas and Stephane Henchoz.

With apologies in advance, to the tune of the Seven Dwarves' "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go" - "Henchoz, Henchoz, Henchoz, Henchoz, Henchoz, When they attack, he's always back, Henchoz, Henchoz, Henchoz."

And, to the air of "there's only one 'blankety blank'" - "Bernt Haas, I've gone and Bernt my Haas, I've gone and Bernt my Haas, I've gone and Bernt my Haas."

And (mercifully) finally, the, um, finest of the bunch (to the tune of Go West by the Pet Shop Boys) - "Bernt Haas, shouldn't light his farts, Bernt Haas, shouldn't light his farts, Bernt Haas, shouldn't light his farts, etc."

Strictly speaking

Don't ever say we didn't try to prepare you for your trip to Switzerland. In the midst of our extensive internet research we found this: "How to impress a Swiss (in Swiss-German). Would you like to win a Swiss person's heart? Then learn these two beautiful words. They are almost like national treasures, because they are so typical Swiss German. Note: "Ch" is pronounced like in the German word "ach" (whereas "sch" is like the normal sh-sound, like in "sheep"). You may have to practise a lot to make it, but don't practise so much that you get a sore throat.

1) Chuchichaschtli 2) Chaschuechli: What they mean? Number one is "kitchen cupboard", number two is "cheese pie(s)". So, there you are - when you find yourself in Basel on Saturday in need of help/directions from the locals just say "chuchichaschtli chas-chuechli" (kitchen cupboard cheese pies), then watch as the frightened locals run away.

Meanwhile, the same website offered some useful Swiss German words for your average English-speaking visitor. Some of them were tremendously helpful - for example, money (schtutz), very tired (schteimued) and mobile phone (Natel) - but puzzled by the inclusion of "gooseflesh" (ganzehuut), pig ("sau") and butterfly ("summervogel") in the "very useful" category.

Exactly what do they think Brian Kerr's Green and White Army will be getting up to in Basel?

Useful for what?

On a similar topic as above, we were a bit concerned about the "useful" Swiss-German phrases offered by another website - top of the list: "I gang hei - du bisch gross und i bi chly", which means: "I go home - you are big and I am small."

With the help of a higher power (aka Damien Duff) that's not what said Green and White Army will be saying to their Swiss pals at full-time on Saturday evening.

Seven steps to victory

We've always been impressed with BBC Online's marginally insane and long-running Name Game, in which they ask readers to link sporting themes or stars' names in six not so easy steps. So we thought we'd have a go. In seven steps. Starting with Alexander Frei and Johann Vogel, and heroically ending up with Irish qualification for Euro 2004.

(1) Two of Switzerland's regulars through this qualifying campaign have been Frei (Alexander) and Vogel (Johann) - when you translate their names into English you get "Free", "Bird2.

(2) Freebird was hairy American band Lynyrd Skynyrd's best known tune.

(3) Lynyrd Skynyrd took their name from Leonard Skinner, two of the band's high school gym coach when they were students in Jacksonville.

(4) Jacksonville is in Florida, home to the Miami Dolphins, where quarterback Dan Marino remains a legend.

(5) Marino is in Dublin and home of The Casino, considered to be one of the finest 18th century neo-classical buildings.

(6) Deborah Kerr starred in the 1967 film Casino Royale.

(7) Last we heard Deborah lived in Klosters, Switzerland. She's no relation to Brian but if she turns up at the game and witnesses Ireland qualifying for the 2004 European finals (or the play-offs at least) she'll probably wish she was.

Compiled by Mary Hannigan