Compiled by Mary Hannigan

Ear ear see what the girlfriend has

Come Thursday the Guardian commented on the spectacle. "To fully appreciate the morbid genius of these earrings, let us compile a short list of Premiership footballers favourite things: model girlfriends, personalised number plates and diamonds. Ronaldo has devised a way to put a personalised numberplate, in diamonds, on his model girlfriend."

Getting shirty over Beckham jersey

WE WERE, like you do, browsing through the Honolulu Advertiser last week when we came upon this unfortunate tale. When David Beckham played for LA Galaxy in Hawaii in February two little boys, nine and 10, held up "Go Beckham" and "Aloha Beckham" signs through the game.

At full-time Beckham ran over, pointed at one of them and handed him his jersey.

Yep, as you feared: there is now the mother of all disputes over the ownership of the jersey, with both boys, who are no longer speaking, claiming Beckham was pointing at them. The parents of the boy who went home with the jersey suggested they share it, but having handed it over for an agreed spell the other parents are now refusing to give it back.

And so the families have "retained attorneys" and have exchanged letters threatening a lawsuit.

Alexi Lalas, president of LA Galaxy, said: "My suggestion is that the judge gets a pair of scissors, cut the thing in half and give half to each."

Chilly ending at Boca match

SHOCKING NEWS from Argentina where the Libertadores Cup game between Boca Juniors and Cruzeiro was ended a minute early after the linesman was struck by an object thrown from the crowd: an ice cube. Worse, the ice cube was tossed from the VIP section of the ground.

Quotes of the week

"We know it came from this area because you don't find ice cubes of that size in other parts of the stadium," explained Boca president Pedro Pompilio.

"From the part of the stadium you would expect to set an example comes a person who has put the club at risk," he said. Tracing the culprit could be difficult because "the closed circuit cameras do not film this part of the stadium because it's not considered an area of conflict,"Pompilio added.

"A beautiful game is for 24 hours in the newspapers; a result stands forever."

- Giovanni Trapattoni's version of "today's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper". Magnifico.

"If it had been 'God bless Myra Hindley' then I might have had a problem."

- Gordon Strachan on the "God bless The Pope" T-shirt modelled by Artur "Holy Goalie" Boruc at the end of the Old Firm derby.

"Varney's got sore ribs, a sore groin, bellyache, headache, nose ache, earache and toe ache from that tackle - so he should be okay for Monday."

- Charlton manager Alan Pardew hopeful that striker Luke Varney would recover from injury.

"I believe the man upstairs has a plan for me. I believe that everything is in His hands. It's a gut feeling. I'm not trying to convert anyone but . . . someone is in control of my destiny and it's not me."

- Roy Keane on the role Niall Quinn is playing in his life.

"We have created history and

I am very proud we did it my way."

- Avram Grant. But is he, we still wonder, about to face his final curtain?

More quotes of the week

"I don't think I've ever hit anyone. No, wait a minute. At primary school there was this boy called Daniel Banks who had me in a neck lock and he'd stolen my football. I hit him."

- Theo Walcott confesses to a violent past in an interview with the Telegraph.

"If I was having a picnic, in my back garden, a lot of people wouldn't get in. Jimmy would."

- Bobby Robson on Jimmy Armfield, winner of the PFA's Merit Award for lifetime services to the game.

"Technically he is the worst player I have ever seen and he knows it . . . but he works awfully hard for the team."

- Blackburn's Benni McCarthy on former team-mate Robbie Savage.

"(Manchester) City fans don't want Ronaldinho. If he can't pull his finger out for Barcelona, he's not going to do it away at West Brom next season, is he?"

- Noel 'Oasis' Gallagher. Fair point.

"If they can prove they are men as well as players then they can save our season by keeping Parma in Serie A.

"If that is not the case, they will stay to suffer in the Hell of Serie B with me."

- Parma president Tommaso Ghirardi gives his boys a little bit of a timely incentive to avoid relegation.

"I used to drive myself mad because I couldn't switch off but now the kids have come along . . . it's all Barbies and Tweenies and stuff like that."

- Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard explaining why he rushes home from training every day (as soon as his Tweenie Clock strikes two).