Richard Sadlier was, we're sure, well pleased to be back in action for Millwall on Saturday after a six-month absence with a hip injury. He will, though, trust that things at the New Den will improve a touch on his only two appearances of this season -- August's 6-0 defeat by Rotherham and Saturday's 5-0 mauling by Portsmouth.
Away from home
It proved to be a more satisfactory weekend for another young Irish striker, under-21 international Paul Heffernan, who's been trying to establish himself at Notts County this season. Four goals in his last three games, including both in Saturday's win over Luton, should help the cause.
Speaking of Irish strikers. Good to see Sean Devine, he of one-Republic-of-Ireland-B-cap fame, settling in nicely at Exeter City where he moved in January from Wycombe Wanderers. True, he's managed only one goal in his last six games, but started out nicely (three in five), which might explain why club chairman and serial fork-bender Uri Geller declared last week: "See Sean Devine with the ball at his feet and you'll believe a man can fly". Cripes.
Mahjong in midfield
Spell-checkers, eh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, as we've found to our cost before, and as the Daily Mirror discovered last week. Spotted by Football 365 in the paper's corrections' column. "The PFA Player of the Year in 2002 was not called Van Nostrilhair. It was, of course, Manchester United's Van Nistlerooy".
Indeed, chuck the names of a few Irish "cross-sea" players at Spellcheck.net and this is what you get: Alan Mahjong (aka Mahon), Robbed Kearney (Robbie Keane), Alan Maybe (Maybury), Clinton Marrowbone (Morrison), Dampen Duff (Damien), Jim Goodwill (Goodwin), Richer Forum (Richie Foran), Nick Cologne (Colgan), Mark Rosier (Rossiter), Came Ampoules (Kwame Ampadu), Paul Heftier (Heffernan), Rory Delays (Delap), Mark Makeover (McKeever) and our top three - 3 Martin Deviancy (Devaney), 2 Kevin Kilobyte (Kilbane) and . . . drum roll . . . 1 Willie Bologna (Boland). Tremendous.
U kant B Sirius
Maybe it's our age, but we've noticed that most of the Irish population under the age of 16 now only communicate in text messages, e.g.: "pass de salt, pls", "u hav ketchup on ur face". Sadly, Andrea Pollastri, the president of Italian semi-professional club Gotico, seems to have caught the txt bug 2, sending this message to Daniele Carassai, his manager: "Ur fired" . "I thought it was a far friendlier way of breaking the news," he explained. (We were hoping to impress you all by finding out the Italian for "ur fired" so used our trusty Internet translator. It came up with Siete infornati. Just to be on the safe side we translated the phrase back in to English: "You are put into an oven", it said. A nasty fate for poor Carassai, but as Terry Venables once said , "if you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen".
Quotes of the week
"There's a big difference between Robbie Keane and Ken Doherty playing up front - Ken Doherty is a big, whole-hearted lad, but isn't in the same class as Robbie Keane."
- Johnny Giles (on The Premiership). Next week: Ronnie O'Sullivan partners Gary Doherty up front for Spurs. Well, with Glenn Hoddle you never know.
"I love to wear figure-hugging gear. I love showing off my body. I've worked hard enough to get it this way, but I always draw the line at tight trousers."
- If Rio Ferdinand keeps this going he'd want to wear a helmet next time he goes in to the Manchester United dressing-room.
"Luke (Chadwick) is proving he's a good footballer. He's not David Beckham, but then again not many players are."
- Has Cardiff manager Lennie Lawrence been spending time in Kevin Keegan's company lately?
"Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them, but they may draw some . . . or occasionally. . ."
- David Pleat, during ITV's coverage of the Newcastle v Leverkusen game - sorry he started.
That Effin' mountain
This week's sympathy vote goes to the manager with the finest moniker in world football, Wolfsburg's Wolfgang Wolf (incidentally, the club's commercial manager goes by the name of Peter Pander). Wolf was brave enough to sign German football's bad boy Stefan Effenberg, now 34, for this season, ignoring warnings that the former international would only bring trouble. Impressed by the player's exemplary behaviour since his arrival at the club, Wolf announced that he was making Effenberg club captain.
Next day? Effenberg was stopped in the early hours of the morning for "considerably exceeding the speed limit" in an 80mph zone. "He behaved in a manner ranging from distant to unco-operative," said a police spokesman, "and, after the check, shouted 'arsehole' at the officers, who are seeking to press charges of insulting public officials".
Wolf, naturally, was almost deafened by the chorus of "I told you sos".
PS Our Internet translator (which turns "Effenberg" in to "EFF mountain") helped us read this piece of team news from the Wolfsburg website: "Also the recently hurt Stefan EFF mountain because of a calf pulling and Peter Madsen (interior bandspreading) will not be able to play definitely in Nuremberg." Interior bandspreading? Sore thing.
Aki's tear-jerker
If you haven't read Aki Riihilahti's weekly diary in the London Times you haven't, frankly, lived. Crystal Palace's Finnish international, we've noticed, is a bit low on self-esteem, describing himself as an "ugly boy" who always had trouble attracting the opposite sex, but now, simply because he's a footballer, he's fighting them off. All of which has left him puzzled: "I am not the best footballer, I haven't achieved much and I am not that fit either," he wrote. "I have suddenly received many Valentine's Day cards, love letters, even panties by post, plus I have been proposed to three times by unknown beauties.
"Maybe the Ugly Duckling story is happening to me. To find that out, I look at myself in the mirror: no swans there - or anything special really. I might have a bit fancier clothes and haircut these days, but basically I am still that same old ugly boy."
Ah, bless. And when he wrote that "in the end, the ones that I care about, and who care about me, will be there for this ugly boy, no matter if I play well or I don't", the shares in Kleenex went through the roof
More quotes of the week
"The job was to do a job, and we did the job."
- Bobby Robson, enjoying his Newcastle job.
"Butt's arms were around Edgar Davids' waist - it's not something I'd chance with my back to him."
- ITV's Clive Tyldesley produces an '"ooh err" moment on Tuesday (thank you Brendan).
"That's not the type of header you want to see your defender make - with his hand."
- And Ron Atkinson produces a, well, Ron Atkinson moment on the same night.
"One has to be prepared to die, to kill the other team, to massacre them. All in the best sense of the word, only from a sporting point of view on the pitch."
- Real Betis' Denilson hints that he was "up" for the derby against Seville.
