Planet Football ... Compiled by Mary Hannigan

Planet Football...compiled by Mary HanniganAway from homePitiless auld game. Yesterday, on RTÉ Radio's Sunday sports' show they played a tape of a collection of Brian Kerr's finest managerial moments, the highlight of which was that 1998 under-18 UEFA Championship win over Germany in the final in Cyprus.

And who scored the winning penalty? Liam George.

Last week, while George's Irish youth mentor was being unveiled in Dublin as Republic of Ireland manager, the young forward, 24 yesterday, was looking for a new club after being released by third division Bury on Saturday.

Robbie Keane's partner from that triumphant team was, you'll recall, the 'next big thing' at the time, with his club Luton, we were repeatedly told, staving off the 'interest' of a clutch of Premiership clubs. Then it all went horribly wrong, with a string of nasty injuries hindering his progress.

On the day Luton won promotion to the second division last season, George, their top scorer the previous two seasons, was making his debut as a sub for Stevenage Borough in the Conference League, having been released by Joe Kinnear. That was after unsuccessful trials with Clydebank, Cambridge, Colchester, Gillingham and Rushden and Diamonds.

"It is partly financial and partly for football reasons," said Bury player-manager Andy Preece of George's 'release', the diplomatic football term for 'now unemployed'. Who'd have thought it five years ago, eh?

O ye of little faith

"Brian who," asked Thomas in Austria last week in response to the BBC football website's question: "Brian Kerr is confirmed as the new Republic of Ireland manager - is he the right man for the job?". We, of course, were tempted to reply: "you'll know soon enough sunshine, you'll know soon enough (and apart from Toni Polster's perm name one memorable thing Austria has contributed to world football?").

We decided, though, that Thomas didn't deserve such an aggressive response, largely because he was probably depending on the internet as a source of information on our New Leader.

Type in 'Brian Kerr' in your average search box? Up pops www.joechip.net/brian, 'Brian Kerr's Weblog'. . a website largely devoted to cats.

"How they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: and yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the cats of the field, which today are, and tomorrow shall be cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?" No wonder Thomas was unimpressed. He thinks this will be Kerr's half-time team-talk against Scotland. Can you imagine Lee Carsley's face?

Quotes of the week

"I wouldn't know Brian Kerr from a bar of soap."

- So said Rodney Marsh, who Brian Kerr wouldn't know from a packet of Persil Automatic, on Sky Sports.

"A goal is going to decide this in many ways."

- Dangerhere.com unearths yet another Davo Leary nugget.

"Brian Kerr has been appointed the new Republic of Ireland."

- Football 365 is caught reading The Irish Times' website, concluding from this announcement that "Mr Kerr may already be getting too big for his new football boots".

"Obviously it was very disappointing to miss out on Robbie Fowler. The saga is history now".

- Kevin Keegan's programme notes last week, a day before Manchester City signed. . Robbie Fowler.

"I hear 'gypo' a lot because I guess I look like a tramp. But the worst thing that's ever been said was someone comparing me to an Afghan hound. That upsets you a bit. And someone used the word 'inbred', which was a bit strong."

- Robbie Savage, as quoted by the Guardian. Let's hope the inbred Afghan hound has a good slander lawyer.

"I risked getting my tyres nicked and my wheels gone to talk to Robbie and his wife."

- Kev Keego endears himself to his old pals on Merseyside.

"There's been some criticism from ex-pros, but these are the sort of people who think that the world starts at Land's End and ends at John-o-'Groat's."

- Bohemians manager Stephen Kenny on the reservations of Andy Townsend, amongst others, about Brian Kerr's appointment.

"When you go up there it's like going to the North Pole and seeing all these penguins on an island, millions of them all in black and white."

- Alex 'Sir' Ferguson reminisces fondly about his trips to Newcastle.

"I don't know a lot about Brian, but I do know that he has worked well with the players that were mainly brought in by Maurice Setters, who was my assistant."

- Jack Charlton incorporates the two words 'Maurice' and 'Setters' into joke. Fair play. Still laughing Jack, still laughing.

Hey, big spender. .

Gem alert. David O'Leary exclusively told the Daily Express last week that he sympathised with his successor Terry Venables' plight at Leeds United, asking the question. . . "where has all the money gone?". Err, Davo, you spent it all (just under £100 million of it).

On a wing and a prayer

TIS not the same way we all go, part 256: Artist Sharon Lutchman has unveiled her latest work in a Fulham art gallery. "I had been looking at a lot of 13th and 14th Century icons from Italy, Russia and Eastern Europe. In those times any prominent religious figure was made into an icon in paint," she said. ""I see - Blankety Blank - as a modern day religious icon - a person who appears as a god." And who is Blankety Blank? Yep. . David Beckham. Altogether now: Good God.

A perfectly timed tackle

Big thanks to Planet Football's bestest friend, Brendan T, who dug this pearl out of Vinnie Jones' autobiography. Speaking about his world record fastest booking, after a foul on Dane Whitehouse three seconds into Chelsea's game against Sheffield United in 1992, our Vinnie said: "I must have been too high, too wild, too strong or too early, because, after three seconds, I could hardly have been too bloody late." Like it.

Sex appeal

Planet Football is, naturally enough, all for folk encouraging more she-people to attend football games, so we were well impressed with the Sunday Times' story about a letter received by Millwall chairman Theo Paphitis suggesting ideas for that might result in more women turning up at matches at the New Den. How about having a "match-day scheme based on Ladies' Day at Ascot", this particular supporter suggested. Terrific. Except? "You could call it 'Millwall Bring-a-Bitch Scheme: Get your bitch in for a quid."

Moving along. How about West Ham's attempts at attracting a girlie clientele, now that the boys have suffered enough? Their website: "Always dreamed of scoring at Upton Park? ("Oh God yeah," says Glenn Roeder). Then why not surprise your partner by booking your places at West Ham United's romantic Valentine Night special on February 14th this year! West Ham United Hospitality have organised the perfect evening for loving couples, comprising of a delicious four-course meal, followed by a night in the West Ham United Hotel "comprising of superb double room with view of the famous Upton Park pitch".

Fabulous. The price? £175. Nice. Although you'd imagine they'd pay you more for taking up the offer, wouldn't you?

A cracker of a goal

Remember former Irish midfielder John Sheridan? Yes? Remember his brother Darren? No? Well, Darren earns his footballing keep at Oldham these days, although he is more regularly to be found occupying the bench on match days. It was from precisely that position that he viewed Chris Armstrong's equaliser against Crewe last week (before Oldham went on to lose 3-1), a happening that so excited him he leapt up to celebrate, whacking his head on the roof of the dug-out and ended up with concussion and whiplash.

Which, of course, reminds us of our favourite manager quote - John Lambie (Partick Thistle), on being told his striker had suffered concussion during a game: "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."