Planet Football

Case of the two MicksAn acquaintance of Planet Football advised us to have a look at the Korea Times last Wednesday, leaving us a little puzzled about his internet reading.

Anyway, we dropped in and noted an article about South Korea's search for a new manager, with the shortlist, they claim, narrowed down to Gerard Houllier, Morten Olsen and none other than Mick McCarthy.

"McCarthy could be an easier candidate to land than Houllier, who is also linked to the England job, but his ability to handle players and competence as a strategist remain questionable," read their tribute to the current Wolves' boss.

We wondered, though, if they were confusing Mick with another Irish man, as their choice of photo  suggested.

Quotes of the week

"It was a horrible, horrible debut . . . I was devastated . . . it was a long weekend for me. I couldn't even say I could take the dog out for a 45 minute walk because I haven't got a dog."

- A dog-less Andy Cole reduced to taking his budgie for a walk after Sunderland's 7-1 defeat at Everton.

"I stayed in bed until 12 then dragged myself to the shower and went for a meal with the family. I felt sorry for myself for 48 hours. That is something you never forget until the day you die."

- Cole could, though, have taken Triggs for a stroll - sounds like he didn't get much exercise on the Sunday over at the Keane house.

"If it wasn't for the fact that they had more skill, guile, flair, pace, ability and commitment than us, we could genuinely have nicked something."

- Speaking of that 7-1 setback . . . this was the summing up of a Sunderland-supporting caller to BBC radio.

"We knew at half-time we were only halfway there."

- Wales captain Simon "no flies on me" Davies reflecting on the recent draw with Germany.

"It was pretty ugly. About half a dozen lads were yelling abuse and hurling ketchup at them."

- A witness to a brush between Manchester United fans, armed with tomato sauce, and Joel and Bryan Glazer in the city last week.

McShane makes his defence

After his miserable experience the weekend before, when he seemed to play a role in most of the seven goals Sunderland conceded to Everton, we were mightily relieved to see Paul McShane part of a defence that kept a clean sheet on Saturday in the 1-0 win over Derby.

While Mark Lawrenson dubbed the Wicklow man "Paul McShame" after the match Football 365 noted that Carlton Palmer went several steps further on the BBC that afternoon when attempting to find the words to describe McShane's performance. He finally settled for: "He had a holocaust of an afternoon". Good God.

No Desires for chips

Footballers Behaving Badly, Part 652: The Daily Record report described Blackpool's Keigan Parker as a "Scots football star", but we have to assume they were using the word "star" quite loosely. The player, they told us, got himself into a spot of bother, for which he ended up in court last week, when he dropped in to a "sleazy" Blackpool sauna, by the name of Desires, at four in the morning. A witness claimed that he was asked if he wanted to spend time with a girl, but he said he would finish his chips first.

Desires staff, evidently, wait for no man and his chips, so Parker was asked to leave. Angered by this request, the footballer threw his chips at one of the girls and walked out, presumably heading back to the chipper to get another large single.

Alas, he left his phone in Desires, so attempted to kick down the locked door to retrieve it. His lawyer claimed he only entered the establishment in search of a phone to call a taxi (the battery in his mobile phone was, of course, flat). "He had no intention of consorting with the prostitutes therein," he said. "He was eating his chips and the ladies were rude to him." We noted that Parker is a striker, but has failed to register a goal in 20 appearances for Blackpool this season. That, perhaps, accounts for the headline on the Daily Record piece: "Football Striker Who Couldn't Score In A Brothel."

More quotes of the week

"There is nothing like the buzz of winning on a Saturday, but there is nothing like the low of losing either. I had so much trouble sleeping that for a while I was addicted to Night Nurse. When I told Sandra she thought I was talking about some bird in suspenders."

- Harry Redknapp. There's never a dull moment for his wife Sandra, if it's not suspicions about birds in suspenders it's dawn raids by the police.

"I like Alan a lot but I would hate to see him as England manager because he could be destroyed. You could kill the guy, bless him."

- Tony Adams worried about the consequences for Alan Shearer should he be appointed England manager.

"I don't know what qualities they saw in McClaren. I realised it at Middlesbrough and now I have had it confirmed. Him being named as England manager was a big surprise for me. What talents do they think he has?"

- Gaizka Mendieta still puzzled as to why Steve McClaren was appointed England manager in the first place.

"To be the England manager you must win every game, not do anything in your private life and hopefully not earn too much money! They are the only qualities you need and if you have those, you are perfect!"

- Sven-Goran Eriksson rules out every candidate for the England job.

Rooney sees Red (Bull)

If Wayne Rooney wasn't aware of the price of fame before now he should have a good idea after the contents of his household shopping basket was divulged by the Sun last week. His fiancee Coleen went to a local shop in Prestbury and, they revealed, "ran up a £45.29 bill on 28 packets of crisps, a pasty, five fudge bars, two Rustlers chicken sandwiches, a pasty, Dairylea lunchables, a frozen chicken and beef dinner and a multi-pack of Red Bull". Tasty. "He is set to return against Fulham tonight - but he may have trouble passing a fitness test," they added.

Poor Wayne, can't munch in peace.

Fertile Connolly

Hearty congratulations to Galway United's Noel Connolly who was named Eircom League Groundsman of the Year last week for his work at Terryland Park. "We were very impressed with Noel and he is a worthy winner," said Donal Kearney of the wonderfully named Institute of Groundsmanship.

What prize did Noel receive? A crystal trophy? Money? A holiday to Barbados? No. 1,000 worth of fertiliser. Cripes. What does Physio of the Year get? 1,000 worth of sponges?