Dixon of Dumbarton

The Scottish Sunday Mail has unearthed a football scandal of humongous proportions - sitting comfortably? Detectives have been called in to Third Division Dumbarton because too many people are getting into games for free. Apparently the number of supporters at Dumbarton's games doesn't tally with the number who had paid in.

Consequently a number of CID officers mingled, undercover, in the crowd at a recent game (allegedly doubling the attendance in one fell swoop). We will, of course, try to resist the temptation of asking why they're not investigating the reason why anyone would pay in the first place, but God, it's hard.