Bruce faces up

PLANET SOCCER:LAST WEEK we told you about young Ashley-Paul Robinson being released by Crystal Palace as punishment for announcing on his Facebook page that was he having a, eh, secret trial with Fulham.

Well, Republic of Ireland defender Alex Bruce has been accused of being equally daft when it was claimed he announced on his corner of Facebook he intended leaving Ipswich.

He would, said the reports, have some explaining to do to the club, all of which left the player a bit on the mystified side. "It's a load of rubbish, I have not put anything like that on my Facebook page," he said.

"I thought someone was winding me up when I was first told about it until people started ringing me about it. Maybe someone has been playing a joke."

A mystery indeed, Bruce's irritation hardly eased by a red card during the 2-0 home defeat by Birmingham on Saturday.

Quotes of the week

"THE LAST time I heard of 3-2-1 was that show with Ted Rogers and Dusty Bin."

- Harry Redknapp, puzzled by the attacking formation employed by Fabio Capello against the Czech Republic.

"Was he drunk?"

- Robbie Keane on being told Henning Berg claimed in his autobiography he was the best player he faced in England.

"It is like having a Rolls-Royce in the garage."

- Spurs manager Juande Ramos on Ledley King being parked up most of the time with injuries.

"I think van Persie a brilliant footballer, but as a person, he is still not really stable. I think that it is striking, that after all those years at Arsenal he still has a problem."

- Pierre van Hooijdonk on Robin van Persie, with whom he wasn't quite best mates when they were at Feyenoord together.

"I'm always watching BBC Parliament. It's good banter, all those old fellas giving it, heckling Gordon Brown. My favourite is David Cameron - he really hammers them."

- Spurs' David Bentley on his peculiar telly-watching habits.

Tainio fed up of lap of honour

WHEN FINNISH international Teemu Tainio arrived at Sunderland from Spurs a few weeks ago he was asked by local reporters why he, unlike so many other players, didn't mind moving to the north-east, what with the chilly climate and all.

"It may be a problem getting a few players to move up here, but I'm originally from Lapland so I don't really mind where I live," he said, leaving reporters unsure if that was an insult to Lapland or Sunderland, or whether he was just referring to the temperatures.

Anyway, he's sorry he opened his mouth now. "It's the one question that always seems to come up when I speak to journalists: 'How's Lapland? What's Santa Claus like?' Don't get me wrong, it's nice to talk about home but when it's every time, it gets boring. I'm like, 'What about the football?'." Indeed. And what about Rudolph and the lads?

 More quotes  of the week

"ANY MUG can go and buy loads of players for £20-30 million. We could all buy the best players in the world if we had an open cheque book - my wife could buy Kaka."

- Harry Redknapp suggesting his wife Sandra could take on Luiz Felipe Scolari if she had the loot.

"We managed to put the FA Cup on the sideboard for the first time in 70 years - they may have to wait another 70."

- Portsmouth assistant manager Tony Adams upbeat about the club's future.

"We didn't leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn't like to get his feet dirty in the sand. And if he reads a newspaper he has to wash his hands straight away."

- Steven Gerrard's wife Alex revealing he's a bit obsessive about being shiny clean.

"Rio . . . comes from another country. He comes from London, he comes from a different world. It's not very different leaving London than leaving Portugal to live in Manchester. He came north to a colder climate, a wetter climate, but to a real football city."

- Alex Ferguson on foreign import Ferdinand.

Savage grounded by Q A

THE MIRROR, meanwhile, was reminiscing fondly about another of the game's - what's the word? - characters last week, recalling its favourite yarn about Robbie Savage.

When he was at Leicester in his early days Savage was kept in hospital overnight after suffering from concussion following a whack on the head during a game. The doctor tested him out by asking him for his name, the name of the current prime minister, and so on, but he struggled with the answers and so wasn't allowed home.

The next day they asked him his name again, and this time he knew it. But he didn't know the name of the prime minister so, assuming he was still concussed, they decided he should be kept in another night. It was only when his beloved arrived that he was released, his wife revealing that even before the bang on his head he wouldn't have known the name of the prime minister.

Gazza leaves an ambiguous space

THEY HAVEN'T been the best of times for Paul Gascoigne of late but, according to the Daily Mirrorlast week, he's started a MySpace page "as he completes his rehab".

We tried to find it but failed miserably, although by the sounds of it he hasn't put a whole lot of work into it just yet.

Eg: Favourite music: "Anything." Favourite television programmes: "Mainstream". Favourite books: "Not recently".