A soccer miscellany, compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

Footballers behaving badly: Juniors let bellies down

STELLA PLAYERS: ALAS, WE have more footballers behaving badly, this time in Colombia.

Mind you, so grainy is the video footage of the three Atletico Junior players allegedly having a mighty time of it in a nightclub, hours before they were due in training, you can’t be sure if they’re flower-arranging or being rowdy.

We’ll take Caracol’s word for it, though, as the website for the Colombian radio station claims that the trio committed “shameful acts”, were “binge-drinking lovers of the night” and a bit too fond of “debauchery”.

“Sad and terrible. No respect, no responsibility. Also overweight. Tremendous, tremendous beer bellies,” said Caracol of the topless triumvirate. “Indiscipline, alcohol, excess and Rumba night run,” Google Translate continued, “they do not care, they are not professionals, they do not give a shit about Junior.”

Junior coach Diego Umana wasn’t best pleased about the whole business, which he described as “ugly”.

“From now on I will use a breathalyzer to make sure this kind of show is not repeated,” he said, which, you’d imagine, will put a stop to those Rumba night runs.

Lederhosen: Bayern get all dressed up, and go nowhere

MUNICH FEST:THE manager and players of Bayern Munich looked positively dapper when they turned up last week for a photo session for a beer ad campaign, Louis van Gaal and Franck Ribery looking particularly dashing in their lederhosen. How much free beer they downed wasn't reported, but, in possibly unrelated matters, they lost 2-0 to newly promoted Kaiserslautern a few days later, failing to score for the first time in 24 matches.

BAD TRAINING DAY:"AUDI do that," asked the News of the World yesterday under a photo of the bashed up Audi R8 Manchester City new-boy "Mari-D'oh Balotelli" crashed on his way to training on Saturday. You'd have to imagine the club, having paid out €30 million for the fella, would be less than pleased that he insisted on bringing his "cherished left-hand drive" with him from Italy. As the paper put it, "Vorsprung durch wreck-nik".

Hard times: Former star Lobos hits rock bottom

MAGIC MORTAR:MANCHESTER United old boy Jimmy Greenhoff was interviewed recently on television and talked about the hard times he'd experienced since retiring from the game back in 1984. At one point, he said, he lost everything, his business and his home, and worked in a warehouse driving a forklift. Rio Ferdinand, he noted, earned more in a month than he did in his entire career.

It's a familiar enough tale from players who missed the good times in the game, but still pales next to the experience of former Chilean international Franklin Lobos (right). Known as "Magic Mortar" in his playing days, because of his missile-like free kicks, Lobos retired in 1995, the highlight of his club career winning the league title with Club de Deportes Cobresal.

Cobresal was backed by a local copper mine and it was in the mining industry that many Chilean players from the 1970s and 1980s ended up working, including Lobos who took a job as a driver at a gold and copper mine in San Jose.

"He went down the mine to keep his family, Cobresal never paid big wages," said the club's former coach Manuel Rodriguez. Where is Lobos now? He's one of the 33 men trapped 3,000 feet underground for almost a month.

Y Oh Y

WHILE Cardiff City fans carry on proudly sporting their Bellam 3 shirts – after the club shop ran out of Ys and 9s following the arrival of their number 39, Craig Bellamy – Millwall supporters have been robbed of the chance to don a quirky version of the club's 125th anniversary home jersey. The motto "We Fear No Foe" appears on the back of the shirt, but when
the first consignment, numbering 5,000, arrived in the club shop they were promptly returned to the supplier.
Why? Well, "We Fear No Foo" just hasn't the same ring about it.

A kick ahead: Mayor puts his foot in it before elections

CAUGHT ON CAMERA:SAM KATZ, the mayor of Winnipeg, may be tempted to hang up his boots after his recent experience when he took part in a charity match, lining out for City Hall United, made up of Winnipeg councillors and staff, against a team of refugee children. What might have turned in to a pleasant enough photo op for the man running for re-election this year was transformed in to a bit of a 'mare when he attempted to boot away a high-ish ball, only to whack a little refugee in the face. "It wasn't a kick . . . everybody's fine," he told the Toronto Star, before a video of the incident confirmed it was, indeed, a kick. Katz, according to the paper, was booked for the offence, but the refugee lived to tell the tale. If there's no such thing as bad publicity then the mayor should be laughing – the footage has made him an internet star.

Word of mouth: Off with Javier's head, says Taylor

"Refusing to play for your club is tantamount to treason – and the punishment should fit the crime."

– Former England manager Graham Taylor calling on Javier Mascherano to be transferred to the Tower of London, rather than Barcelona.

"Joey was complaining about the tackles. I said to him: 'You're hardly a shrinking violet yourself.' Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."

– Mick McCarthy on Joey Barton's claim that Wolves spent Saturday afternoon roughing him up.

"I don't need photos to make those around me love me as they carry me in their hearts."

– Jose Mourinho on reports that Rafa Benitez has had photos of him removed from Inter Milan's training ground.

"I wish Benitez success in his new role, not because I love him but because he is coaching a team that belongs to me, my fans and my president."

– Jose again, sending more best wishes to his Inter successor.

"On Tuesday nights you don't want to be at home watching EastEnders, you want to be at the Lane and playing against the great players of the world."

– Spurs' Jermain Defoe hoping to spend time in the company of Wesley Sneijder and Co rather than, say, Dot Cotton.

"It's better to be multi-ethnic than to fix games."

– Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti's response, quite possibly directed at Juventus, to criticism of the lack of Italians in his squad.

Capello: From hero to zero

UNTIL the 40th minute of England's opening World Cup game against the United States, when Robert Green conceded that howler to Clint Dempsey, Fabio Capello was the new Messiah. Now? According to the Sunhe's a "jackass" - and in case you don't believe them they stuck pointy ears on a photo of the Italian last week, just to highlight the point.

"Donkey Fabio Capello has stuck a hoof into England's brave new world - after just one game," they said, complaining that he intending leaving Jack Wilshere out of the senior squad for England's European Championship qualifiers next month. "The gormless Italian vowed to rebuild after our World Cup debacle by bringing in young players . . . . but the silly ass has ruled out Arsenal whizkid Jack Wilshere".

Gifted as the 18-year-old might be he has completed just one game for Arsenal so far this season, only coming on as a sub for the last six minutes of Saturday's game at Blackburn. The Sun,as Football 365 noted, clearly reckoned his performance against Liverpool was less than whizkidish, giving him just five out of 10 in their ratings.

Don't bang the drum: Dublin gets in on the rare old times

DUBE AND DION:BETWEEN STINTS as a Sky Sports pundit Dion Dublin has been busy inventing a "unique percussion instrument", the dube, a peculiar, drum-type machine. He's set up a jazzy website to promote the gadget, featuring endorsements from several folk who know about these things.

Like musicians.

"As a drummer and percussionist over the past 30 years, it has always been exciting for me to try out new innovations and the dube is no exception. The sounds and tones are fantastic and can be used in various genres of music. I highly recommend it," says Carl McGregor.

"I love the look, sound and design of the dube, it's completely new. With the mic inside it as well it's so easy to amplify and really easy to play, I love the fact that my good friend Dizzy has invented it and know he will do very well . . . sounds just amazing."

Said? Err, Ian Wright Wright Wright.