Babysitting is hard and thankless work - and too much of it causes tension in the family, writes ORNA MULCAHY
HAVE YOU noticed just how many elderly people there are out there, pushing buggies or carrying babies around in the back seat of the car?
How many nanas and gramps there are at the playground, in the supermarket toting babies at the front of the trolley, collecting children from the creches and summer camps or looking frazzled in airports as they try to hold on to their hand-luggage and a troublesome tot? Once you start to see them, they're everywhere. Trim, white-haired ladies and stoic, slightly stooped gentlemen with toddlers in tow.
I'm only noticing because my own parents, who had their last child in 1973, are now regularly in charge of two-year old Hugh and his three-month-old sister. Their kitchen has been invaded by all sorts of baby paraphernalia including a cot, a mammoth steriliser and a scatter of small wheelie toys one could easily slip and break a hip on. Ligas have invaded their biscuit tin. My sister has thoughtfully given them car-seats for their own car, and they regularly do the creche run even though both find the straps and buckles hard to manoeuvre with their slightly arthritic fingers.
My folks are not alone. With childcare costs now the equivalent of a mortgage for many couples - creches can cost up to €1,200 a month per child - and babysitters charging €10 an hour, it's not just nice to go see granny, it's necessary. More and more grandparents are being called on to help fill the gaps in the week, by taking children for mornings or afternoons to ease up on creche fees, to cover school runs, sick days and to generally stand by for emergencies - not to mention covering for the odd "save the marriage" weekend in a spa hotel.
Not for them the cliche of retiring to the golf course, or endless pottering in the back garden. They're more likely to be wiping bottoms and pureeing veg while their children work to pay the mortgage and carry on with their social lives. And as couples are leaving it later and later to have children, so their parents may be facing into babysitting duties long after they've gotten their free bus pass.
It's hard to have to do it all over again. One of my mother's friends, (aged 74) is still recovering from minding her four-year-old granddaughter for the weekend, which involved driving her to west Cork. She cried all the way from Mitchelstown to Skibbereen. Others now plan their "holidays" around visits to London or Boston or Sydney where they are needed, to help their exhausted middle-aged children cope with holding down jobs and having babies rather late in life.
Their child-rearing advice may be scorned (rice in the bottle? Oh my God no!) but they're welcome to babysit for hours on end and expected to be cheerful and loving about it.
Of course there is nothing new about grandparents helping out. Generations of grandmothers have lent a hand, but the traditional role of being there to read stories, knit jumpers, bake cakes and produce sweets at inappropriate moment has evolved.
Grannies and grandads are no longer seen as frail old folk who sit in the corner reading, cleaning their pipe or twiddling with their hearing aid. The new "wellderly" are more active than they've ever been. They are living longer and looking better than any previous generation. With all the talk of 60 being the new 50 and the like, they are considered fair game, by their still dependent children. After all, if they can book their own Ryanair flights online, surely they can fill in the odd hour of childcare.
Okay, it can be easier for grandparents. They can enjoy the child and hand him back at 7pm, then totter to the nearest armchair to recover. And, you might say they enjoy it . . . I've heard plenty of 30-something mothers tell me that their parents love having the children around, that it keeps them young and stops them being lonely.
A GP friend says that the healthiest elderly people are often those who live close to, and are involved with, their children and grand- children. But babysitting is hard and thankless work, and too much of it causes tension in the family. Siblings who live too far away to avail of the service, or who don't have children themselves, don't like to see their parents exhausting themselves, no matter how endearing the child.
It can also damage grandparents' health. Forget about MRSA in hospitals and think of what you can pick up at the creche. An infection a toddler will shake off in a couple of days could plague a 70-year-old for weeks.
It's expensive too. For grandparents who have gotten used to a quieter, possibly spartan existence, the appearance of grandchildren on a regular basis can only mean one thing: shopping.
While they can get by on a sliver of cheese and a loaf of wholemeal, they now have to shop for a family all over again. The fridge has to be full, whether it's with fresh veg, cheese, burgers or, by the time the grandsons get to 16, T-bone steaks or tons of cereal.
Not all grandparents play ball. A friend says her children talk about "good granny" and "present granny". One is always around, does the school run, bakes cakes, and has a cupboard full of Calpol and Kit Kats and is generally at their beck and call. The other likes to play golf and travel, breezing in and out of their lives but always with large presents for them.
Other grandparents are simply not up to having young children around at all, and that has to be respected too. But for those good elderly people who are out there, discovering their parenting skills all over again, it's time to say thank you.
The Government is unlikely to acknowledge them with a grandchildrens' allowance any time soon, but if you were about to pick up the phone to call granny to see if she can take the children this afternoon, why not fill her fridge, carry in the coal, and shower her with flowers.
• Breda O'Brien is on leave