With the high achievers seemingly concentrated in Kerry and Cork, what hope is there for the rest of us? asks Orna Mulcahy
ANOTHER SET of Leaving Certificate results, another round of gorgeous teenagers with strings of A1s smiling out of the newspapers. There's no denying their achievements, and not just academically: how often do you read that they are brilliant at camogie, play the piano, have medals in debating or have won prizes at the Young Scientist?
Let's meet the parents, I say. To ask them how do you produce these fantastic children? What is the family dynamic that creates such drive and determination, never mind such good teeth? How on earth do you guide them towards 600, 700, 800 points? Please tell us some of your secrets.
Not to take away from the students, of course, but there must be more nurture than nature to getting a good Leaving Cert. I imagine lively family debates over home-cooked dinners, with every child expected to take part, and have something interesting to say. I see warm kitchens with space to dry out the sports gear and lots of it. The fresh air, the team spirit surely is important. A Limerick friend has a brother who in his Leaving Cert year was on the senior cup team and got 600 points. Of the 15 on the team in his year, 13 got outstanding Leaving results, she said.
Early rising is likely to be a rule in these successful households and helping out with chores. Being encouraged to learn an instrument may be part of the mix. Membership of an orchestra or Irish dancing troupe that made it to the White House could also be in there. Possibly some home teaching and presumably lots of shuttling to and fro, across town, or across country to get to extra curricular lessons and exams. But I would love to know more.
Parents of successful children, please tell me: is it a question of rationing the television and PlayStation and helping them with their homework? Did you choose their books and toys with care, never letting an Argos or a Smyths catalogue into the house? Did you allow them to draw on the walls or was there none of that laissez-faire business of letting them express their creativity? Did you make them milk the cows or wash the cars? Did you insist on them joining the cubs and brownies? Did you say no to Spin at 12 and Wesley at 13? Do you demand respect and insist on good manners? This summer did your child go to a hard-line Irish college or to stay with friends in Marbella?
Are you by any chance bursting with brains yourself? Are you a teacher, better still two teachers who insists that things are done correctly if they are going to be done at all?
Did you always tell them that they were wonderful, and that if they did their best, that would be fine, or did you make them work hard for your approval? Is good never quite good enough? Are you by any chance like the Chinese parents I read about in the Guardianwho, when their only child came home with a 98 per cent result, said "What went wrong?"
Is sibling rivalry a factor? Do you encourage your children to beat each other at everything from swimming to Monopoly? Or do you leave them to their own devices most of the time and give them plenty of money for credit? Do you in fact go through the Leaving Certificate alongside them, subject by subject, step by step, so that after each exam you can empathise and discuss? Are you a stay-at-home parent, always there to greet them and make them something nice to eat, or do you work hard outside the home but insist on getting them the best €80 an hour grinds in town?
In other words, help! As we head towards fifth year with my eldest, it's hard to know which approach to take. We're torn between wanting to build esteem with praise and affirmation no matter what, and wanting to deliver a good kick in the pants. And do we even live in the right part of the country, with the high achievers seemingly concentrated in Kerry and Cork? While it's too late to move to a quiet rural location with lots of fresh air and few distractions, we want to help him over the line towards third-level education. Any suggestions would be welcome.
What's interesting now is to see that drive to succeed beginning to come out in some of the children we know. Children who last time you looked were hanging behind their mother's skirts in case you would ask them a question, and who are now towering teens showing glimpses of the adults they will be. My friend B's son, for instance, has turned from a quiet child into a startlingly intelligent lad who can argue for Ireland. We talked about what he might like to do later in life and, suburban snob that I am, I suggested medicine, since he clearly has brains to burn. No, he wants to be a lawyer. "But a lawyer can't save your life" I say. "He can if he gets you off the death penalty," he snapped back.
He's 11. I hope to see him on the front page in six or seven years with his eight A1s.