Newton's Optic:Proposals to raise the age of consent for meaningless sex to 35 are controversial, writes Newton Emerson.
The maximum age of consent for meaningless sex should be raised from 30 to 35, according to an Oireachtas report. Currently any single person over 30 still pursuing an endless string of drunken one-night stands is liable to charges of being a bit sad.
However, recent changes in Irish society are prolonging adolescence and senators believe that it is time to reflect this in legislation.
"We can't have a situation where a 35-year-old woman is accused of being a bit sad because she can't find a man but hasn't quite given up looking for him in nightclubs," explained Senator Bridget Trollop.
"Equally, we can't have a situation where a 35-year-old man is accused of being a bit sad because he would rather go home from those nightclubs with almost anyone except a 35-year-old woman."
The senator added that the Oireachtas proposal was part of a package of measures aimed at late-adolescent protection.
These include more nightclubs, less sadness and a high-profile information campaign blaming the whole thing on stamp duty.
Senators also proposed a national register of sexual predators so that they can contact each other directly.
The Oireachtas report has been backed by a wide range of late-adolescent support groups such as the Licensed Vintners' Association, the Colombian Export Association and the Overpriced One-Bedroom Apartment Association.
"Just because you aren't young doesn't mean you aren't immature," said a leading nightclub promoter. "Increasingly, when it comes to consensual sex, people over 30 still don't know what they're doing."
However, concerns have been raised by the Dublin Date Crisis Centre.
"The perception that single people up to the age of 35 are having meaningless sex all over the place just isn't true, no matter how much the rest of us fear it might be true," said a case worker.
"It is irresponsible to tell people that they can prolong their adolescence when we should be encouraging them to meet someone nice through a friend or a relative and maybe go and see that new Kate Winslett film, even if Jude Law's performance noticeably fails to rise above a disappointing script."
Further opposition has been voiced by the Catholic bishops. In a statement issued through their housekeepers, the bishops expressed "amazement" that politicians would "shy away from the basic demands of morality, namely what we think is right and wrong".
"Adulthood is a precious time and should begin as soon as possible," said Éamonn Murphy, the Bishop of Casey.
"I have a teenage son myself and I'd hate to think that he could still be having meaningless sex well into his 30s."
Under pressure from the church, Fine Gael has suggested a possible compromise.
"If your bishop finds out that you've had meaningless sex with someone over the age of 30, just tell him that you're moving to another diocese and that it won't happen again," said a party senator.
The Oireachtas report has now been handed over to the Government which will consider bringing forward legislation on its recommendations, either after the next election or after every registered voter's 35th birthday, whichever is the later.
"We want to emphasise that parents also have a role to play," said a Fianna Fáil spokesman.
"If they'd stop babysitting their grandchildren at the weekends then all these single people in their 30s wouldn't be going out to nightclubs in the first place."