THE MAGPIE:MICHAEL DOORLEY of Shandon Travel in Cork would like us all to keep things a little more in perspective.
“36,000 people die of the flu in the US every year,” he notes in an e-mail fired off yesterday to just about everybody in his address book. “As of this morning, one has died of the swine flu. Remember Sars? 750 people died globally, which is minuscule compared to almost any other disease.
“Over 100 reported swine flu deaths in Mexico city, which has over 20 million people. This is .000001 per cent, and only 10 times less of a chance than being struck by lightning . . . IF you live in Mexico City. And the CDC states the deaths occurred due to lack of medical care.
“One per cent-four per cent of those infected with swine flu are at risk of death. Media companies get paid when you watch or listen. The more dramatic they make it, the more you watch. Look at the big picture and see through the drama. Most of us have had a flu and are fine. Same as most people who have gotten swine flu.”
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SPEAKING OF holliers, how about going on a re-enactment of the voyage of the most famous ship to slip out of Belfast Lough?
Fred Olsen Lines are taking bookings for a reprise, one hopes without the icy denouement, of . . . the Titanic. The company plans to mark the 100th anniversary of its first and last voyage in 2012, this time on a vessel named the Balmoral. The same number of passengers as travelled on the Titanic –1,309 – will depart Southampton in early April 2012 before docking at Cobh, where the Titanic made its final call on April 11th, 1912.
On April 14th, the Balmoral is due to arrive at the exact location where the Titanic sank and a special memorial ceremony will take place between 11.40pm (when the ship hit the iceberg) and 2.20am on April 15th (when the ship sank). Afterwards, the cruise continues to Halifax, Nova Scotia, where excursions include a visit to the Fairview Lawn Cemetery where 121 Titanic victims are buried, before finally docking in New York.
And if that’s not eerie enough for you, the plan is to revive the sumptuous menus chosen for the original voyage, and the entertainment will be in the style of the times. Despite costing in excess of €3,000 it’s expected to sell out quickly. See http://www.titanicmemorialcruise.co.uk/ for details.
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SATELLITE NAVIGATION gadgets will soon be able to help pensioners find their way around supermarkets. Scientists are working on a device which works like a car navigation system to help elderly shoppers baffled by changing layouts in aisles.
It is part of British government-funded research at three centres – Newcastle, Aberdeen and Nottingham universities – into new ways of using digital technology to help the elderly and disabled.
Prof Paul Watson, of Newcastle University, said: “Many older people lack the confidence to maintain ‘normal’ walking habits. This is often due to worries about getting lost in unfamiliar, new or changing environments.”
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WOMEN ACTIVISTS in Kenya have issued a sex ban in protest over infighting within the national unity government. The Women’s Development Organisation is even asking the wives of the Kenyan president and the prime minister to join in the week-long ban.
Relations between Kenya’s coalition partners, led by President Mwai Kibaki and prime minister Raila Odinga, have become increasingly acrimonious. Patricia Nyaundi, executive director of the Federation of Women Lawyers, one of the organisations in the campaign, said they hoped the seven-day sex ban would force the squabbling rivals to make up.
“Great decisions are made during pillow talk, so we are asking the two ladies at that intimate moment to ask their husbands: ‘Darling, can you do something for Kenya?’.”
Would never happen here, of course.
We don’t believe in national governments . . .
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A WELSH woman who changed her name to Pudsey Bear for a charity appeal has been refused a new passport. Bear, aka receptionist Eileen De Bont (37), was told by the po-faced Passport Service that the name change was “frivolous”.
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THE HILLS are alive with the sound of music after an Alpine farmer compiled a CD of his farm animals’ favourite tunes. Livestock expert Franz Koeberl (41), has been serenading the animals on the family farm in Birkfeld, Austria, with his accordion for more than a decade.
“Whenever they see me coming over the hill with my accordion, they come running and gather around to listen to the tunes. They prefer Strauss – although I and my family would rather hear Mozart,” he explained. “We all play musical instruments and we often play for the animals, and we found that Norma, Norli, Nanni and the rest of the 20 cows have a clear preference for classical music.
“In particular they seem to like the waltz. They are more likely to be sitting down taking the weight off their feet and obviously enjoying the music whenever a waltz is playing – and that also means they are producing more milk.”
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A TWO-YEAR-OLD English girl, Elise Tan-Roberts from north London, who started speaking at five months, walking at eight months and running at 10, has become the youngest member of Mensa.
Tests put the IQ of Elise at 156 – two points above Carol Vorderman.
Tan-Roberts (34), said: “We hope she can keep learning at an advanced pace. But she is still my baby. I just want her to be happy and enjoy herself.”
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GERMAN DETECTIVE Juergen Richter has been arrested for robbing a bank without a mask while using his police pistol – and making his getaway in a patrol car. “He had severe financial problems but there are other ways of dealing with financial problems,” said police spokesman Norbert Schaetzle.