Sir, - Kathryn Holmquist has given us food for thought when she writes about "teenagers devastated by infidelity" of their parents. Let me, as a counsellor in primary schools, give some insight into the anguish experienced by children of 10-12 years - even younger. In a brief letter, I can best hint at their pain by quoting some of the children:
"I am terrified of Dad drinking. He hits 11am and she calls me to help her.
"I hear them screaming at one another at night. I stuff my fingers in my ears. I do be shaking."
"Mam tells me to put down the phone when this woman rings Dad. Then he gets raging at me."
"Everyone has to have two parents. I want my real father."
"I go to Dad at weekends. But he doesn't want me. He has this girl friend. She's all smarmy, I hate her."
"Why do mums not hug you after you're a baby? I couldn't hug her."
"I pretend at school that he's in America. But I've really no dad. Mammy cries a lot and gets mad. I try to do everything for her, but she's still sad."
"I look after the younger ones. They get frightened."
"She has this man who comes in at night. She thinks I don't understand. Daddy isn't in from work til about 6 am. The man's gone then. I don't sleep, I'm afraid they'll get caught."
"I can't bring friends home. Mam has the place terrible. She drinks."
I could go on and on. How do we help these children? Are we going to be surprised when, in a very few years, they reflect in their own lives the dysfunctional relationships in which they have been reared? If this is the meaning of a liberal society, we are going to have to supply surrogate parents in the form of counsellors in all schools. - Yours, etc.
Eden Road,
Greystones,
Co Wicklow.