Sir, - Sound an arpeggio on your didgeridoo for Margaret Connolly (September 29th). A year ago, I discussed a possible autobiography with my agent. I warned that, because my childhood of over 60 years ago was a reasonably good-humoured affair with no beatings or drunken session, the memoirs might not be acceptable. I could not even rake up an obstreperous neighbour to help my story qualify. My agent disagreed and I produced sample chapters, of which he approved.Although a very good agent, he still has not found a publisher!
I blame the black scenes. You see, a publisher is always hoping for a film of the book, and a lighthearted childhood will never make the movies. No, there must be black scenes. Sitting trembling with fear in a dark corner. Better still, cowering under the stairs and peeping through a slit in the door. An illuminated eye is great in a dark scene. Even better than a puce nose in a dirty pub. Well directed, the glimmer of light on the eye can also catch the whiskey bottle rolling from the kitchen; even the rat at the bacon-rind during the following five-minute silence and the grunt from the battered wife.
All our songs are sad, Margaret, a gradh, because the singers find happier bank-balances in the keening. - Yours, etc.,
Padraic O'Farrell,
Lynn Avenue,
Mullingar,
Co Westmeath.