OH TO have been a Magpie on the wall, as it were, to have witnessed the goings-on in Prague Castle a week ago today. But we have second-best: a transcript of what transpired when Daniel Cohn-Bendit, the Green Party MEP formerly known as Danny the Red from his first 15 minutes of fame back in the heady days of Paris 1968, and other MEPs took on multimillionaire Declan Ganley's pal, climate change denier and EU-sceptic, Vaclav Klaus, president of the Czech Republic. The following transcript has been doing the rounds on e-mail, courtesy of the anti-Lisbon brigade.
"I brought you a flag, which - as we heard - you have everywhere here at the Prague Castle," Danny announced to Klaus. "It is the flag of the European Union, so I will place it here in front of you.
"It will be a tough presidency," he went on, referring to Prague's imminent assumption of the rotating EU presidency.
"The Czech Republic will have to deal with the work directive and climate package. [The] EU climate package represents less than what our fraction [sic; probably should be "faction"] would wish for. It will be necessary to hold on to the minimum of that.
"I am certain that the climate change represents not only a risk, but also a danger for the future development of the planet. My view is based on scientific views and majority approval of the European Parliament and I know you disagree with me. You can believe what you want, I don't believe, I know that global warming is a reality."
That was the warm-up. Now Danny got stuck into Klaus's approach to Lisbon.
"I don't care about your opinions on it," he said. "I want to know what you are going to do if the Czech Chamber of Deputies and the Senate approve it. Will you respect the will of the representatives of the people? You will have to sign it.
"I want you to explain to me what is the level of your friendship with Mr Ganley from Ireland. How can you meet a person whose funding is unclear? You are not supposed to meet him in your function. It is a man whose finances come from problematic sources and he wants to use them to be funding his election campaign into the EP.
Poor old Klaus was not amused. "I must say that nobody has talked to me in such a style and tone for the past six years," he said. "You are not on the barricades in Paris here. I thought that these manners ended for us 18 years ago, but I see I was wrong. I would not dare to ask how the activities of the Greens are funded. If you are concerned about a rational discussion in this half-an-hour which we have, please give the floor to someone else."
EU Parliament president Hans-Gert Pöttering chipped in. "No, we have plenty of time," he said helpfully. "My colleague will continue, because anyone from the members of the EP can ask you whatever he likes."
Klaus: "This is incredible. I have never experienced anything like this before."
Cohn-Bendit: "Because you have not experienced me."
Klaus: "This is incredible."
And so it continued until Brian Crowley decided to get stuck into it. ". . . It was an insult, Mr President, to me and to the Irish people, what you said during your State visit to Ireland. It was an insult that you met Declan Ganley, a man with no elected mandate. This man has not proven the sources from which his campaign was funded. I just want to inform you what the Irish felt . . ."
Klaus: "Thank you for this experience which I gained from this meeting. I did not think anything like this is possible and have not experienced anything like this for the past 19 years."
He said he was for the EU but against the notion that its operating procedures were untouchable, above criticism. And then he turned to Crowley.
"If Mr Crowley speaks of an insult to the Irish people, then I must say that the biggest insult to the Irish people is not to accept the result of the Irish referendum. In Ireland I met somebody who represents a majority in his country. You, Mr Crowley, represent a view which is in minority in Ireland. That is a tangible result of the referendum."
But Crowley had the last word. "With all respect, Mr President, you will not tell me what the Irish think. As an Irishman, I know it best." Hmmmm.