AMERICAN politicians and their supporters cry a lot. But another side of the coin is the awful jokes that late night comedians tell about politicians. Awful in the sense of pretty unprintable but funny enough to make you cry.
The two conventions this year were really weepies. Forget about policy issues. The Republicans at San Diego featured a crippled policeman and a rape victim telling their harrowing experiences.
The Democrats had the paralysed actor, Christopher Reeve; the brain damaged former Reagan press secretary, Jim Brady and Al Gore describing the death of his sister from lung cancer as tears flowed all around.
When the President's deputy press secretary, Dee Dee Myers, was about to be fired two years ago, she had a late night meeting with him where "his voice turned soft" and he told her that he never believed that she had leaked the unflattering comments. As Myers told it later: "At that moment, he started to cry. So did Myers and "each said in turn `I love you'".
At least Albert Reynolds knew how to fire without the tears flowing, as many ex-ministers can testify. But if he and Dick Spring had a good cry over Harry Whelehan maybe Albert would still be there.
When Bob Dole retired from the Senate last April after umpteen years, he wept all day. His staff were blubbering and even his opponents were sniffling.
"I cried and I'm proud of it," Senator Pete Dominici boasted.
But even for Americans the weepie stuff is going too far. The staid Wall Street Journal ran a front page article last week headed: "Boa Who? Virtually everyone in politics these days, it seems."
The writer, Dana Milbank, says this presidential campaign has been "the weepiest on record". He even consulted the director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Centre in Minnesota, William Frey, who explained that the average male has a teary episode 1.4 times a month.
For Mr Dole there is a special "trigger" which sets off the flow. It is the thought of his family and neighbours helping his recovery from war wounds. But Mr Clinton's press secretary, Mike McCurry, has another explanation: "Maybe we're giving him more to cry about these days."
Mr Dole's media adviser, Alex Castellanos, admits that there is a subtle attempt at the "feminising" of crusty Bob Dole. "Democrats for a long time were the mommy bear party, the nurturing, caring party, and the Republicans were the tough on crime, take home the pay cheque daddy bear guys. Now both parties are trying to assume a bit of the other," he says.
Ross Perot scorns this mushy stuff, but maybe that is why he'll never be president. At his Reform Party convention he asked his supporters sarcastically: "Do you want me to get tears in my eyes lean over to the audience and say, `I feel your pain'?"
The Centre for Media and Public Affairs logs all the jokes and has found that 40 per cent of viewers under 30 say they "learn something about presidential politics from the jokes".
Clinton jokes fall into two categories: "cheatin' and eat in'" as one wit puts it. Dole is portrayed as humourless, expressionless and very, very old. Late night comedians - Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien are flattered to be seen as political sages but they don't really believe it. Some samples:
O'Brien got hold of Dole's psychiatrist's notes which reveal that one of his earliest childhood memories is: "Father carried away by pterodactyl". Leno referred to the White House saying that President Clinton is coming out against same sex marriages. "But Clinton's really confused on this issue. See, he thinks the same sex marriage is having sex with the same partner you're married to."
Letterman says that when Clinton is campaigning and someone hands him a baby to kiss, "he doesn't know whether to kiss the baby or deny knowing the mother".
Mr McCurry is laid back about the unending jokes about Clinton as a serial philanderer who's always guzzling Big Macs. "My pop theory is that it's a generational thing. It's easier for these comedians to poke fun at Bill Clinton because he's a contemporary."
Leno says his jokes are so over the top that no one takes them seriously. O'Brien says that "anybody learning anything from my show would disturb me. I would worry grievously for America's future.
Maybe he should.