With the Government considering an outright ban on the smacking of children, LOUISE HOLDENasks a selection of adults if corporal punishment is always out of order or if an occasional slap is a good way to keep kids in line
Fiona
MOTHER OF TWO, 36, DUBLIN
“Myself and my husband have different policies on this. I do smack my daughter from time to time. Not my son – he’s not as bold. It’s just a tap on the leg, and it works. It gets the message across when she’s just not responding to anything else or when she’s in a risky situation and won’t listen to me. I definitely got the odd smack across the back of the legs when I was a kid, and it did me no harm at all. There’s a big difference between a slap on the leg and abuse. I don’t do it very often, but I wouldn’t hesitate when it’s necessary.
Ian
FATHER OF FOUR, 42, WICKLOW
I have slapped our eldest son, but not since he was about five. I never did it to my daughter, because the idea of a man taking his hand to a little girl is just unthinkable. We were a bit lost when we first became parents. We didn’t know how to handle discipline; when we discovered the bold step and time outs, that was the end of the slapping. You really should be taught this stuff in school. Young parents have no strategy for dealing with their children when they get out of control. I was slapped the odd time as a kid, and when the pressure came on me as a parent I guess I just fell back on what I knew. I work with kids, and I’ve seen what happens when slapping stops being a deterrent, which it eventually does. Things can escalate. You need to learn better ways of getting the message across. It’s not instinctive.
Claire
MOTHER OF TWO, 40, DUBLIN
I do smack the kids from time to time – just a tap, nothing serious – but it’s not part of any discipline plan. It just happens when I get to the end of my tether and I lose control. My older child winds me up. Maybe it would be effective if I did it with a cool head, but I don’t. And then I feel so bad about it for days afterwards that I can’t see the point of it at all. I certainly don’t think it makes a difference in his behaviour. If anything it makes him worse.
Lucy
MOTHER OF TWO, 41, MEATH
I made a decision early on never to slap my kids. It isn’t because I have a strong principle about it; it’s just that I know I have a short fuse, and if it was to become part of discipline in my house I don’t think I would use it judiciously. I would lash out in frustration, and I don’t think that would be very helpful. Having a fast rule about this helps to stop me from reacting physically when they really push me. Believe me, there have been times when my little rule has been the only thing stopping me. Besides, I was never slapped as a kid, so I don’t think it would be fair to my own parents if I started now.
Marie
MOTHER OF FOUR, 71, KILDARE
I smacked my kids when they were young, and I regret it now. I had four young children, and I really felt the pressure. It wasn’t frowned upon at the time, so I didn’t feel out of step for doing it, but when I look back I don’t feel good about it. My kids say that it didn’t do them any harm. I’m sure I got it myself as a kid, but it hasn’t scarred me for life or anything. I have mixed feelings, I suppose. The bold step doesn’t always work, and if a child who has reached the age of reason is outrageously badly behaved I suppose you have to do something. I wouldn’t rule it out, but I think just a little tap with the hand, not an implement.
Bridget
MOTHER OF THREE, 62, TIPPERARY
My mother used to keep a little cane, which she would hang on the back of the cooker, and she would rattle it. I never got hit with it, but the threat was there. My brothers never got it, either. The threat had a big impact. If you came in late from school she’d rattle the cooker. I don’t know why she didn’t use it; it was perfectly normal at the time. The nuns and brothers were at it in the schools. I never hit my own kids, although my son says I once whacked him with a tea towel. I don’t remember that, but he does.
Ellen
MOTHER TO BE, 35, DUBLIN
I am pregnant with my first child. I recently discovered that I didn’t have an opinion on hitting, and I felt that I should get one. I talked with my partner, and we discovered we had very different childhood experiences, which opened the debate up wider. I don’t think that we will be able to come up with a policy before our child is born, because there are just so many variables. However, if we can agree that our intention is to try every method of communication available to us in preference to hitting, I think that is a good start.
Martin
FATHER OF TWO, 35, DUBLIN
My parents were very loving and committed, and I was no stranger to the wooden spoon. I remember my tears very well, but I can’t remember what I did to deserve it. That’s the problem with corporal punishment: the memory of the punishment overrides the learning. There are times when it seems like a smacked bottom is the only way to teach a lesson, but I tried this once on my own daughter, and after a grovelling apology and a lengthy explanation of my feelings I think the only person who learned a lesson was me.
