THE wee woman from Ballymena Old People's Home rattles her collection tin under Ian Paisley's nose, but he has no change. The Irish Times has none either, so he turns to his son Ian. "Junior, have you any money? I can't let the old folks down.
At 71, he is no youngster himself, but only the very brave or very foolish would suggest that he retire to gentler pastures. The Rev Ian Paisley has represented North Antrim for 27 years. On home turf, he is in fighting form.
Could this be his last Westminster election? I inquire timidly. "Last election?" he bellows, drawing a comparison with his old opponent, the former Ulster Unionist leader, Sir James Molyneaux.
"If Molyneaux can go on to 76, Paisley can go to 80. A Paisley's better than a Molyneaux any day!"
The British people have never worried about anything as trivial as age when they turn to a leader for salvation, he says. "Look at the age of Churchill and he started a war, Dr Paisley proclaims with pride. He is certain he can lead Ulster in her "greatest crisis yet".
He marches through Ballymena's flea market, a man with a mission. Sainsbury's shopping centre is just across the road, but Dr Paisley is happy here among the potted geraniums, tool kits and country and western tapes.
These are his people, the solid farming folk of North Antrim who have always stood by him. "Hello, big man, have you had your porridge this morning?" he asks a stout farmer in a duffle and wellies, and the pair chat away like old friends.
Dr Paisley is a big hit with the women. "Give me the kiss of life on May 1st, ladies," he says with a twinkle in his eye. "It might be raining today but I'll make the sun come out."
"Imagine you're writing a love letter to your husband and put an X on the right place on Thursday," he tells another woman.
His main challenger is UUP newcomer, James Leslie (39). Eton and Cambridge educated with a background in business and banking, Mr Leslie thinks he can win. Dr Paisley is not impressed.
"Leslie is a Big House Unionist, a toff. The holidays in the South of Ireland, you know."
Dr Paisley claims Mr Leslie insulted the people of North Antrim by saying that they were stupid to have voted for him for so long. "Leslie says they need a properly educated MP. He has been chased out of plenty of estates here for saying things like that.
"His whole attitude is that he's better than Paisley. I'm superior. I'm successful. I can talk in the right way to the English, he says. Well, if he is such a wonder boy why have the UUP kept him hidden for so long? Why haven't they been parading him before now?"
The DUP leader says Mr Leslie has "behaved outrageously" by attacking his record as an MP. Before Dr Paisley represented North Antrim, large areas had "Adam and Eve sanitation" with no running water, indoor toilets, baths or showers. "I brought them holy water," he chuckles.
Mr Leslie, a quiet man, declined to respond to his colourful opponent's ear bashing. "My polls show I'm going to win," he said.
The Paisleymobile makes its way through the streets of Ballymena, blasting out the gospel according to the DUP. "Democracy, Not Dublin Rule" is emblazoned on the side above a Union Jack. Spotting a traffic warden, Dr Paisley rolls down the window and shouts. "Don't be too hard on them.
Walking through the streets, he is greeted by dozens of people he knows. He points to a woman in her 80s. "She used to skelp my backside when I was a boy," he says with a big grin.
A teenager called Raymond enthusiastically shakes the DUP leader's hand and wishes him well. "Make sure you give this man a big glass of Orange every morning," Dr Paisley says. "It has always done me the power of good."