An alternative therapist accused of murdering his young Irish lover broke down in tears today as he told the jury at his trial that he wanted to die after he realised he killed her.
Christopher Newman, 62, denies murdering 28-year-old Georgina Eager, but admits the killing, pleading self-defence.
He told the jury at Inner London Crown Court that the pair had a row that spilled on to the street on May 21st, 2003.
The couple worked together at his clinic in St Peter's Road, Dublin, and became lovers shortly after she joined in summer 2002.
He described how the relationship began to break down after he became upset after watching a video of her massaging a naked man earlier that month. Miss Eager was also angry, he said, because she thought he had invaded her privacy by making a threatening call to a man who was interested in her.
Mr Newman, of Catford, south east London, told the jury of the row leading up to Miss Eager's death.
Mr Newman told the jury that he next saw Miss Eager, from Trudderbridge, Co Wicklow, on the morning after the row, May 22nd, at about 8.30am. He went round to where she was staying to talk to her.
Once inside the flat, he removed his clothes and laid on the bed and told her she looked "pretty".
"I said `are you not going to love me before you go'?
"She said `you can't make love to me anyway without taking Viagra'.
"When she said that to me I said 'you slut' or something. I said `you have totally lost your respect for me, now you have to go'."
The court heard that Miss Eager threw a hammer across the room at him and Newman began shouting at her, calling her "stupid imbecile bastard", "cheap whore" and "cheap slut".
Miss Eager then threatened him with a knife and told him to go, he said. "I could not think, she was pointing the knife at me, this woman she is so, she can do anything."
He said he felt like he was in a "hurricane", adding: "I felt that she would cut me to pieces, I thought she would cut me."
Breaking down in tears, he said he did not remember how many times he stabbed her. When told that she had suffered so many wounds and had a severed artery he said he could not think how that happened.
"All I wanted to do was die. I wanted to die there. I just wanted to die."
When police showed him a picture of the knife in Miss Eager's neck, he said: "When I see this and I see my hands, I can't believe this, I can't believe this.
"I could not imagine that I left a knife in her neck.
Mr Newman also said he was frightened because she made him feel weak, the court heard. "I was very frightened when she was with me. I thought she was, at the very same time, very seductive, very mesmerising, I felt weak."
The trial continues tomorrow.
PA