Miriam Lord's Week

Sinn Féin’s Pearse Doherty may get tongue-tied in the Seanad; Gormley’s energetic schedule fuels Seanad debate; tea break the…

Sinn Féin’s Pearse Doherty may get tongue-tied in the Seanad; Gormley’s energetic schedule fuels Seanad debate; tea break the most contentious part of FF-Greens talks; Bertie and Biffo have a cosy chat in New York; the Bling of Kerry goes Green; and time to club together to buy Siptu club some kegs

IT’S A curse to be popular. Sinn Féin Senator Pearse Doherty is in such demand these days that he now finds himself at the centre of a tug of love battle between the Labour Party and the Seanad’s Technical Group.

Young Pearse – a rising star tipped for great things in the party – has become a pawn in a political numbers game driven by Labour’s injured pride. Doherty ploughed a lone furrow when he entered the Seanad. As he wasn’t allied to one of the main political groupings, he didn’t have speaking entitlements. However, the University Senators shared their time with him.

Enter wily old fox Joe O’Toole, who formed the Technical Group before the Seanad broke for the summer. He invited Senator Doherty to join the grouping of six university Senators. It was all very above board, with O’Toole even rearranging the furniture and putting Doherty’s chair between Senator Feargal Quinn and Senator David Norris.

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After the Seanad resumed last month, it was no surprise when university representative Ivana Bacik, fresh from contesting the Dublin Central by-election, threw in her lot with Labour. At first, the party thought it had finally managed third in the Seanad pecking order, until someone remembered that Pearse Doherty had joined the group.

The numbers were even and the Labour Party, and its Seanad leader Alex White, was not amused. The rule is that when there are two groups of equal size, the one with the longest combined years of unbroken service takes precedence. No prizes for guessing which long-serving university Senator with trade union experience helped negotiate that.

Over in the Dáil, Sinn Féin is also strapped for speaking time. The party depends on Labour to accommodate them and the time-sharing arrangement works quite well.

Now we hear that Labour has put a gun to Sinn Féin’s head by using their Dáil muscle as leverage to force Doherty to jump ship. If he doesn’t reconsider his decision to join the Technical Group, the party will no longer afford speaking time to Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin and his colleagues in the Dáil. The Shinners have no choice but to take the deal.

Has Joe O’Toole finally been outmanoeuvred? It isn’t over yet. There are two remaining Independents in the Seanad – Eoghan Harris and Fiona O’Malley. One or both might just find the prospect of raining on Labour’s parade irresistible.

Gormley turns up the heat during Seanad debate

With the programme for government negotiations in full swing during the week, John Gormley was feeling hot and bothered by Wednesday, when he brought The Planning and Development (Amendment) Bill to the Seanad.

“I won’t be able to stay,” said John, looking flushed, “as I have a committee meeting to attend. However, I’ll stay for a period. Phew! I don’t know how Senators can bear the heat.” Fine Gael’s Nicky McFadden was in full agreement. “It’s roasting!” Whereupon Gormley, who considers himself an authority in the area of energy generation, ventured his considered opinion: “There’s probably too much heat being used.” “It’s self-generating,” snorted Fianna Fáil’s Camillus Glynn.

“It’s like wearing a cardigan made by my granny,” said Nicky. Turn down the radiators and throw on an extra jumper – the Green leader exited the chamber with another demand to add to the wish list.

Tea break stirs up rivalry between cleaning staff

On the first day of the negotiations, the Fianna Fáil and Green teams had been going hot and heavy for hours and were parched and dying for a decent cup of tea. Refreshments were duly organised.

The location of the talks has been variously given as Agriculture House and Government Buildings. They actually took place in Leinster House, at the end of a quiet corridor in a far corner of the building. Sometimes, the teams met in Eamon Ryan’s office. On other occasions, they chose to negotiate in Noel Dempsey’s office, just across the way.

But back to the tea, which was procured from Government Buildings, which can be easily accessed from Leinster House through a connecting door. The Ministers enjoyed a break and when they got back down to business, cleaning staff from Leinster House cleared the crockery away.

There followed a terrible to-do when the staff in Government Buildings realised their counterparts next door had made away with their cups and saucers. Negotiations rivalling those taking place upstairs were set in train.

The last we heard is that the Leinster House crowd is holding the Government Buildings crockery to ransom, alleging that the other side is in possession of crockery belonging to them. A third party may have to be called in to adjudicate and officiate at the hand-overs.

Bertie and Cowen’s meet up is a real page turner

From the Little Buke of Bertie to The Annals of Ahern – it was an enjoyable evening in the Mansion House on Thursday when Bertie Ahern launched his autobiography.

But those who came along expecting a stellar turnout of the great and the good had to content themselves with the giant size images of Bertie and world statesmen that were hanging from the balcony.

Only one senior Minister made the launch, which might explain why Dick Roche was “papped” on arrival by photographers grateful to see a face they recognised. John Hume caused a brief stir, but was almost immediately eclipsed by the arrival of de grandbabbies and stars of the show Rocco and Jay, with their big brown Bertie eyes. There was much comment made of the fact that Bertie didn’t mention the Taoiseach in his speech, despite the fact that Brian Cowen was in the crowd. However, any talk of a rift might be premature. Bertie presented Biffo with a copy of the book after the formalities and the pair were all smiles.

Furthermore, when the two met recently in New York – the Taoiseach was at the Climate Change Conference and the Bert was on business — we hear they repaired to a hotel bar in Manhattan where they were spotted ensconced in conclave until 1am. Oh to have been a fly on the wall for that . . .

Bling of Kerry goes Green for last throw of the dice

Fighting a losing battle to hold on to his position, John O’Donoghue – the Bling of Kerry – threw one last roll of the dice and looked to Fianna Fáil’s Coalition partners to throw him a lifeline. Would the Greens back him in a motion of confidence? Ironic really. Would they be the same Greens he routinely ballyragged when he was minister for sport? Here’s a fine example of The Bull charging at the Greens in a Dáil debate in June, 2003.

“If they [Green Party] ever choose to leave their gilded retreats and engage with ordinary people, people who work today for the money they need this week, they will find that the produce of their eco-friendly initiatives will put neither food on the table nor heat in the house, but presumably those are secondary considerations, just as long as their plump personal portfolios prosper.

“A Government adopting any of the Green Party’s stated initiatives in relation to the curtailment of the national development plan would inevitably lead to mass unemployment, economic stagnation and curtailment of essential services. This country needs Green Party economics like lettuce needs slugs.

“The same Green Party nihilists who oppose every economic initiative under the spurious banner of eco-liberal concern would visit mass poverty on this country. Its economic policies are as false and anti-people as its ethics are elastic and two-faced.

“Yet these icons of spurious propriety never miss an opportunity to haughtily harangue and hector the people whose policies have ended forced emigration, the people who have delivered the highest level of employment and job creation which this country has ever seen, those who, by their industry, initiative and labour, have built the economy of this country.” More slugs on your lettuce, John?

Biffo’s namesake gets official seal of approval

Always delighted to have read something positive about the Taoiseach these days. Thank you to reader Bernard McGrath of Greater Manchester for drawing it to our attention.

“Biffo is very intelligent, athletic, graceful and loving, definitely a bit of a ladies man and always a pleasure to have on the team.” Oh, he’s a caution alright. We read on.

“Biffo is very reliable and rarely lets us down.” He’s also calm yet dominant and has great ball skills.

His stock is still high across the water, it seems. Until Bernard explains that Biffo is one of three performing seals at Knowsley Safari Park outside Liverpool. One of the main attractions, in fact. He lives in “Biffo’s Surf Shack” with Max and Arthur and is the dominant one of the three.

According to the Knowsley Park website, Max – not unlike the Tánaiste – “can be a little accident-prone and often falls of his stand in the middle of the show. If Max isn’t in the mood to perform, there is nothing that can persuade him otherwise; thank goodness Biffo is so reliable.” Then there’s clever Arthur, the Brian Lenihan of the triumvirate. “Arthur is our cutest and cleverest sea lion. He is very adaptable . . . Arthur is not afraid of anything, meaning he will give anything a go and the trainers say he is a joy to work with.

“Arthur loves to show off all of his skills and is now very adept at ball balancing, ring catching, gymnastics and many other skills.” That would be Brian.

The Bull locks horns with his Kingdom rival

A juicy subplot to the John O’Donoghue affair has been the raw politicking in south Kerry between The Bull’s camp and the Healy-Rae camp. The position of Ceann Comhairle may be above politics, but Jackie Healy-Rae never missed an opportunity to take potshots at his constituency rival in the Dáil as he claimed the credit for various works undertaken in south Kerry. And all poor John could do was smile and say nothing.

But the O’Donoghue machine never stopped ticking over, and the Healy-Raes never stopped trying to throw a spanner in the works.

The Bull’s supporters have rallied around him this weekend. And while there may not have been a huge amount of support for his position among a recession-hit electorate down Cahersiveen way, there has been widespread annoyance at the way TD Jackie and his son and heir apparent, Michael Healy-Rae, have been publicly making hay at their rival’s misfortune.

We hear Jackie had to turn off his mobile phone on Wednesday because he was getting so many angry calls. Meanwhile, one man who kept his own counsel throughout the expenses controversy until it finally came to a head on Tuesday is the third man in south Kerry, Fine Gael’s Tom Sheahan.

He played his cards very sweetly on the Pat Kenny show, saying what John O’Donoghue did was undoubtedly wrong, but at pains to point out that he had been very helpful to him and other first-time deputies when they entered the Dáil.

Then Tom expressed disappointment that the loudest drum beating for the removal of the Ceann Comhairle came from the Healy-Raes. “You know, that’s not the way we do things in Kerry. We don’t turn on our own.”

Ironic, he noted, with Jackie pulling in nearly €50,000 in allowances for chairing a committee and being an Independent TD.

We spoke to a Fianna Fáil backbencher who was very impressed by Tom’s performance.

“He came across as a decent man. He gave O’Donoghue a little kick up the arse, followed by a pat on the back and then he knifed Healy-Rae.”

Gregory in everyone’s thoughts at election party

Independent deputy Maureen O’Sullivan, the Gregory candidate who swept into the Dáil in the recent Dublin Central by-election, held a thank you party for her campaign team last Friday night. The venue was An Clasach, the Comhaltas Theatre on Alfie Byrne road near Fairview Park. Almost 100 of her election workers enjoyed a great night of celebration, although the late Tony Gregory was never far from their thoughts.

The occasion saw the first public performance of One Of Our Own, a song written in Tony’s memory by John Weafer, a friend of the late deputy and one of Maureen’s campaign workers. He performed the ballad, to a rapturous reception, with his folk band Bog of the Loughs.

Maureen noted in her speech that it was nearly two years to the day since Tony held his post-election victory party in the Mansion House. And she joked that she hoped the night wasn’t going to be a “pre-election rally”, given the current state of the Coalition.

Fellow Independent deputy Finian McGrath left with an armload of CDs. Deputy O’Sullivan thought he was going to distribute them as gifts. “Not at all” said Finian. “I’m going to sell them for charity.” Listen to the song for yourself – it’s on YouTube.

Signing off on some expensive decisions

When you are the speaker of a parliament – the boss, the guy who runs the company, who signs your expenses? Perhaps one of the reasons Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan was so quick to rush to the defence of the Ceann Comhairle on Tuesday was because he wasn’t the man charged with giving his spending the okay.

“Where the Ceann Comhairle travels on foot of an invitation from the speaker of another parliament or to represent Ireland in his capacity as Ceann Comhairle and where he is travelling without a delegation, that is sanctioned by the office of the secretary general of the Houses of the Oireachtas Commission.” That’s the official line.

Followed by further clarification: “On a day-to-day basis, the function of signing off on individual expenses claims for all members and staff are carried out by officials of the Houses of the Oireachtas on behalf of the secretary general [of the Houses Committee] as accounting officer.”

The secretary general is Kieran Coughlan, clerk of the Dáil, the man who sits in front of the Ceann Comhairle when the Dáil is in session. He may have signed off on The Bull’s expenses, or it might just as likely have been a civil servant in the Oireachtas Finance Unit.

When the boss – in this case, The Bull – is submitting the chits, what’s the odds on an underling going in and arguing the toss with him before taking out a big red marker? Thought so.

Calling time on the Liberty Hall social club

With Liberty Hall set for demolition, what now for the Clé Club? It hosts a colourful assortment of warbling lefties and left-overs, who have been meeting every week in the Siptu headquarters for donkey's years, united by a common love of traditional and folk music. Certain bearded types from The Irish Timeshave been known to frequent the club – that's not including a former newsroom stalwart who brought the house down on Wednesday night with her song about Vatican ll.

The club was holding its annual celebration of politically incorrect songs; the theme was blasphemy and the evening was entitled Oh my God, what have we done. Catastrophe stuck early on in the proceedings when the bar ran out of Guinness. Sinn Féin's Larry O'Toole took to the floor and bellowed: "This may not be blasphemy, but it's most sacrilegious!" Whereupon he launched into a spirited rendition of The Pub with no Beer.