WHEN will Mr Major declare the election date? Does anybody much care? And can anything now make a damned bit of difference? The Prime Minister could be forgiven for asking himself the latter, as he considers his fast diminishing options.
A certain level of boredom with the British general election can be detected even before the date is finally confirmed. This has obviously much to do with the sheer longevity of the "near term" campaign; the disarray which has followed every promised Tory fight back; Labour's determinedly safety first approach, and the certainty of the opinion polls, compounded by the evidence from the Wirral, that this will win Mr Blair certain reward.
The time for the real thing is now upon Mr Major. Some pundits fancied an announcement last week had to be shelved to allow the embarrassment of Sir George Gardiner's defection to the Referendum Party to subside. On that basis, the ongoing saga of the hapless Agriculture Minister, Douglas Hogg - and the crisis in confidence over food safety - could prevent an announcement for weeks or even months to come.
Indeed, the reckoned need for some clear blue water between the latest Tory debacle and an announcement could see Mr Major postpone the election to 2000 or beyond. Alas, time and the constitution are against him. The decision will have to be announced shortly.
It could even come later today. Mr Major has his weekly audience with Queen Elizabeth. He could advise her he wants parliament dissolved and the writ for a May 1st poll moved on April 8th, confirm his intentions to the general public, then proceed to the Conservative Central Council on Saturday to launch his campaign.
Alternatively, he could build up the guessing game between now and Saturday and announce the decision first to the faithful. Or, as some Tories think likely, he could keep the tease going until next week and announce the effective six week campaign on Tuesday or Thursday.
He surely won't want to drag it out much beyond that. The guessing game has already become something of a mild irritant and the longer he waits, the less the appearance of drama, excitement or control that will attend the final confirmation. One downside of an earlier than necessary announcement is that the broadcasting rules come into play, giving both sides equal treatment. One Tory wag last night saw advantages in this route, as accident prone ministers like Mr Hogg would be removed from the airwaves.
What the Tories will do once the long campaign is finally under way is anybody's guess. Conservative Central Office is reportedly happy with its preparations and eager for the fray. Mr Major says they haven't "anything like" the alleged £40 million fighting fund, but millions upon millions will be expended in the next seven weeks, against the certain belief of some players in both main parties that themselves make little real impact on voting intentions.
In policy terms, the Conservatives may well feel they have broken new ground and deserve some plaudits. Leaving aside the problematic plan to privatise London Underground, Labour knows full well that the entire welfare state demands radical reform.
However, one fancies proposals for a pensions revolution and for the privatisation of elderly care would be better suited to the early months of a newly elected government. The public needs time to attune to such new thinking and the Tory announcements in the teeth of an election carry the real risk of adding to the fear factor.
Until they can banish him from the airwaves (which presumably they will do for the duration of the election campaign) the fear factor can be found embodied in the persona and performance Douglas Hogg.
Only last week, Mr Hogg, sporting a broken foot, was forced into the Commons to defend his department over revelations in the unpublished Swann report linking slaughterhouse conditions to the spread of the E.coli bacterium, which has killed 21 people in Scotland.
He was back in action yesterday, deluged by leaks to Labour, alleging that ministers had been warned of a "potential time bomb" of declining hygiene standards.
Former government veterinary surgeon Bill Swann claimed meat inspectors had been threatened with knives and had their cars' damaged, if they tried to enforce health laws. Even as he prepared for his fresh Commons ordeal, Mr Hogg was hit by claims from Northumberland trading standards officers that 10 per cent of food they sampled was labelled wrongly as having met anti BSE requirements.
The leak of the year old Swann report, and this week's disclosures, have all the appearance of a well got up attack on the government. The Conservatives are bitter at what they regard as Labour's willingness to play party politics with serious issues of public safety. One Tory cynic, however, saw in the latest food crisis the recurring question of authority, "the tale of a government in office but not in power", to revive Norman Lamont's famous phrase.
By this source's account, Mr Hogg should have been sacrificed when the first BSE scare broke ground. This close to the election, he reckons it is just too late for an enforced resignation. It might be said that - regardless of whether he continues to have the Prime Minister's confidence - Mr Hogg's hold on office is for the moment as secure as Mr Major's.