After all the hype, RTE's version of Big Brother is finally up and running. The show, Irish Big Brother, differs from its Channel 4 predecessor (which in turn followed upon versions from Holland and Germany) in that it features well-known Irish celebrities rather than members of the general public.
The celebrities, Conor Cruise O'Brien, Eamon Dunphy, Keith Duffy from Boyzone, irritating TV3 weatherman Martin King, Van Morrison, Nell McCafferty, the President Mrs McAleese, tarnished former Olympic Champion Michelle Smith, novelist Clare Boylan, and an anonymous, recently released Loyalist gunman known simply (for legal reasons) as "The Animal" were selected from a panel of over 4,000 public figures to share a purpose-built house together outside Swords, Co Dublin. There they will be under constant 24-hour surveillance from 25 cameras concealed in the walls and ceilings.
Viewers at home can watch events unfold live on the internet or on a daily one hour highlights show on RTE 1, as well as a 14-hour omnibus programme at the weekends. Irish Big Brother also deviates from the Channel 4 format (where viewers vote a contestant out of the house every week) in that the prize of £70,000 will go to the last person in the household left alive. According to producer Dermot Lonergan, this could mean a show which could run for 50 or 60 years, thus generating much needed advertising revenue.
He also sees the programme eventually transferring to TG4 when the Irish language finally dies out. Lonergan's current prediction is that will happen "sometime around early 2006". (Recent internal RTE reports seem to indicate that TG4 has actually speeded up the inevitable demise of Irish as a spoken language, so Lonergan could see his programme go live 24 hours a day sooner than he thinks.)
Monday's opening Irish Big Brother produced its fair share of surprises, not least when the number of occupants in the house fell from 10 to nine with the shooting dead of irritating TV3 weatherman, Martin King. There was some confusion about who was responsible for the murder at the time, with many people, not unreasonably, suspecting the mysterious Loyalist gunman (released under the terms of the Good Friday Agreement) as the culprit. "The Animal", whose profile on the Irish Big Brother website describes him as a "mass killer" looked suitably guilty when accused of the crime by Clare Boylan. However, viewers watching on the garden webcam would have earlier spotted Eamon Dunphy carrying out the grim deed.
This kind of early dramatic incident must have been warmly welcomed by Lonergan and the RTE bosses as well as the many viewers who dislike both weathermen and people who are enormously irritating. Dunphy seems to have carried out this grisly attack purely in an effort to make himself popular with his new housemates.
By Tuesday, it was obvious that a strangely touching, if wholly unpredictable, close friendship was developing between Conor Cruise O'Brien and Keith Duffy from Boyzone. CCO'B must have surprised many viewers when he started singing along with the boy bandheart throb on a strangely poignant version of the hit Father And Son. In a secluded part of the garden where the two were diligently peeling potatoes for the commune's evening meal, Duffy then repaid the compliment by reciting a lengthy passage from the elderly academic's book on his time as a diplomat in The Congo, To Katanga And Back.
This interesting developing relationship between Crooner and Cruiser promises to be a fascinating part of the show. As my partner, the nationalist poet and feminist Orla Ni Suibh, remarked to me as we watched the programme together in our flat in Howth, "If Irish Big Brother throws up more surprises like this, it will be well worth watching!"
Not surprisingly, the least communicative member of the community seems to be dour Belfast pop legend Van Morrison. On Wednesday, he was confronted by discredited Olympic gold medallist Michelle Smith over the issue of guitar picks. Van had wanted £10 of the household's allocated weekly budget of £50 to be spent on guitar picks so that he could work on songs for a forthcoming album featuring collaborations with The Chieftains, Mick Jagger and (surprisingly) the historian Ruth Dudley-Edwards.
The Dodgy Swimmer could not get Van to relent however, as he refused to even make eye contact with her, and stared intently at his laptop computer whilst grunting incoherently. It was evident that Van seemed to have an internet connection to his laptop, as, rather bizarrely, the computer window seemed to be displaying the home page of the Navan Carpets website. ("Maybe he's going to write a song about carpets", Orla remarked.)
By Thursday, vicious loyalist gunman "The Animal" had started to loosen up a bit after the first few days where he seemed quite jittery. (It is worth remembering that this disturbing individual has gone straight from the Maze prison to Irish Big Brother without what Van Morrison might call "A Period Of Transition"). Following "lights out" in the boys' bedroom, he suggested that everyone should get together and play a trick on those he referred to as "the republican women" (Nell McCafferty and President Mary McAleese).
This suggestion was met with a rather lukewarm response from the other "boys", with the exception of Conor Cruise O'Brien who showed initial enthusiasm, but eventually declined to join in the plan because of tiredness. The all-seeing cameras subsequently captured the scene as the hardened sectarian streetfighter created a life-size mud sculpture of Edward Carson, and dragged it to a position outside the door of the ladies' bedroom. It was quite a funny moment when Nell McCafferty, sporting a decidedly non-feminist frilly night dress straight out of a Carry On movie, opened the door on her way to a midnight ramble in the garden only to be confronted with the spectre of the father of hardline Northern Unionism on her doorstep.
President McAleese was soon alerted, and, after some initial confusion, both nationalist ladies eventually saw the funny side.
It will be interesting, over the following weeks, and indeed years, to see how the programme develops. I, for one, will follow developments with interest. Not so much a case of (Irish) Big Brother watching me, as me watching (Irish) Big Brother.
Arthur Mathews is co-writer of Father Ted (Channel 4) and Big Train (BBC2) and writer of Hippies (BBC2)