HEALTH PLUS:Being afraid to let off steam is to allow unhealthy pressure to build up unnecessarily
VENTING IS usually described as the release of emotion in an outburst. It is primarily verbal. It may take the form of a magnificent monologue cataloguing the annoyances, irritants, exasperations and frustrations that have accumulated to the point of explosion over the day, or the week, in the workplace, at home, or in other social contexts.
Venting is deciding that feelings that have been clamped, denied, repressed, suppressed, contained or simply postponed, should be released. It frequently occurs when people have had enough of diplomacy, courtesy, self-restraint, political correctness and self-containment and it is time to say what “has to be said”. It is time to release the emotional pressure of keeping one’s feelings in check. It is time to release repressed emotions – to give expression to them.
Venting is akin to, but not identical to, speaking one’s mind, laying one’s cards on the table, stating the facts, saying it “like it is” and coming clean, even if only to oneself, about how one feels.
Venting is like a mental ouch, a psychological expletive, an energising emission, a great grumble, a cerebral carp, a healing whinge, a decisive declaration and a liberating moan. While it may occasionally be an emotional soliloquy, it is more effective if others are present because the therapeutic power of venting is being listened to with unconditional care.
Some instances of venting mimic curmudgeon-type behaviour: the bah humbug of people who are overwrought by the inanity of others or by the situations in which they find themselves, so that they must tell another person or burst.
In this way, venting can be the release of pent-up rage, but it is not necessarily an angry event in the way that anger usually expresses itself. Nor is it directed, as such, at others. Instead it involves recruiting other people as witnesses to one’s outburst. It asks others to be observers of one’s acknowledgement of the anger, disappointments and frustrations within that must find expression and release.
Just as household radiators that are not regularly vented become cold, unresponsive and dysfunctional, so too do people who have no emotional outlets lose their happiness, perspective and warmth. This is why venting is important.
There is an art to venting. It is not to be undertaken lightly, without knowing that one is venting, and without due consideration of what one hopes to achieve from the vent. The frequency of venting is also important, because to engage too often is to become a grouch while being afraid to let off steam is to allow unhealthy pressure to build up unnecessarily.
People have personal patterns of venting. It is practised by some on rare occasions, by others at intervals while many engage with healthy regularity with pre-selected recipients.
This is why the choice of “ventee” is important. If you are considering choosing someone to vent to, it should be someone whom you trust, someone who knows you well and understands your need to vent occasionally, someone who recognises a good vent when he or she hears it and someone who does not feel obliged to advise but is prepared to listen.
When recipients are aware that what is occurring is merely venting – that it will rise and subside without the need for any interventions on their part – then venting is invigorating, liberating and useful for everyone. Recipients also often benefit because “ventors” may be expressing universal annoyances, which makes venting therapeutic to listen to as well as to be heard.
Perhaps this is why many people who vent have reciprocal arrangements with those on whom they vent, through which venting becomes a turn-taking arrangement. Each is prepared to absorb the outburst of the other. Each knows that the other will respond in a caring confidential way. Practised well, venting may be safe, therapeutic and cathartic. No harm is done and emotional suppression is avoided.
And when the venting is over, many “ventors” finalise their verbosity with a smile, a laugh, an apology or a request that they not be taken too seriously, that the content of the vent be ignored and that no response be made, as they were “only venting”. Most will admit they feel “the better” for the vent, that in the process they gained new perspectives and that they are now ready to re- enter the fray. It’s good to vent.
- mmurray@irishtimes.com
- Clinical psychologist Marie Murray is the director of Student Counselling Services in UCD. She is author of many books, most recently Living Our Timespublished by Gill and Macmillan. Her new radio slot, Mindtime, on Drivetime is on Wednesdays on RTÉ Radio One