Mind Moves: There is a shriek, a screech. The temper tantrum has begun. The ear-piercing, body flinging, object hurtling, feet-kicking, arm flailing, hand-biting displays of the very young are utterly miserable for everyone, performers, participants and observers.
For parents, it is cringing in the supermarket, wrestling with a tiny tot and a bag of jellybeans, or whatever that object of desire is that has been denied, and has precipitated the tot into a tornado of rage.
The temper tantrum "terrible twos" stage is a normal developmental stage. Tantrums are a sign that a young child has a view on the world, has the ability to want something, has the courage to express that want, knows from whom to seek it, has the capacity to insist and has the tenacity to keep at it until it achieves what it wants or learns to cope with what it cannot have.
Having a tantrum is a sign that a child is intelligent, reaching out to learn about the world, tasting, testing, choosing and asserting his or her will. These are skills parents want a child to have, if only it wasn't so socially decimating, so decibel loud and so shattering of parental confidence, as others, observing the scene, shrug, sigh, eyebrow raise or purse their lips in unspoken belief that the child is "bold" and needs a firm parental hold.
But it is normal and appropriate, that as toddlers leave babyhood, become ambulatory, curious, exploratory and adventurous that these explorations lead them to objects that are dangerous.
They do not know that plugs are not for fingers, the dog's bowl not for licking, that the road has speeding cars, that there are things they cannot have.
And in a supermarket where you put what you like in your trolley then why can't they take what they like from the shelves!
Without the use of language to explain what they want or the comprehension to understand what you want, the world can reduce to two words: your child screaming "me" and you screaming "no".
Tantrums arise because children become frustrated, angry and upset when they cannot have what they want and do not know how to express these emotions.
Sometimes they happen because a child needs attention and what better way to achieve that aim? Tantrums often happen because a child is simply overtired, over the top, needs a soothing cuddle, a drink of juice or a rest.
Of course, some children are temperamentally more irritable, with poor frustration tolerance so they need more help than the more compliant child. Sometimes they continue to have tantrums because they are responded to with adult tantrums of rage, of hitting and screaming to stop the tantrum that only feeds it and models it as a way to behave.
How parents respond to tantrums, therefore, determines the strength, length and the end of the tantrum.
The key to ending tantrums is calm, sympathetic persistence that the desired object cannot be achieved in this way. It is important to keep young children safe during tantrums.
Holding them firmly and sympathising with their frustration is not giving in. They can hurt themselves when they are in full force, which frightens them further and often children don't know how to stop the flood of emotions.
Don't shout, slap or show a furious face. It frightens children, feeds the tantrum and is confusing. Tantrum time is not the time for major explanations that children are too out of control to hear.
Never give in to the demand because that teaches the child that anger is the way to get what it wants. Don't listen to the disapproval of others: your child needs understanding and protection during a tantrum, not collective adult anger.
If the tantrum is in a crowded place then if you can, take them away gently, to where it is quieter. Helping children to name their emotions, "happy, sad, cross", means that they do not have to vent them so volubly.
When a child finally ends a tantrum they should be praised for regaining control. Also praise a child who shows restraint in a place in which he or she previously threw a tantrum.
Tantrums are prevented by knowing the triggers and avoiding the situations in which they are likely to happen; by ensuring that you are sufficiently resourced so that you can meet the needs of the young child calmly, or by getting help if you feel unable to do so.
Catch children behaving well and reward good behaviour. Do not overwhelm children with too many toys and activities that make them so over-stimulated that they can't cope.
Having to wait sometimes for treats is good training in self-control. Finally, if you think that your child's tantrums are different to others, or that there might be any medical cause, visit your GP or paediatrician for advice.
Tantrums are terrible but think how you would feel if your child had neither the courage, the capacity nor the curiosity to seek, to want, to assert and to insist on something.
It is a mark of good parenting and normal development that young children try tantrums and then learn to control them.
Marie Murray is a director of psychology, St Vincent's Hospital, Fairview.