Waterford man David Cooney has found that balance and positive influences are the best tools to battle depression. This is his story as told to Fiona Tyrrell
HAVING DEPRESSION is hard to describe. Climbing the stairs is a struggle. When you hear a funny story it takes 10 seconds to find the energy to smile. At that stage the whole flow of things has completely moved on and you sit there feeling disconnected from everything and everyone wondering what's the point of making the effort.
The first time I got depression was 14 years ago when my son Michael was born with a serious metabolic condition called hyperinsulinism. This meant that his pancreas couldn't control the blood sugar in his body.
He spent the first eight months of his life in Temple Street Hospital in Dublin.
Our family was under huge stress. I was going to my job in a manufacturing company in Waterford and travelling up and down to Dublin in the evening.
I began to have nightmares and couldn't sleep at night and became quite agitated during the day. I was at the peak of my anxiety around the time that Michael had to undergo a serious operation and we were told that he had a 50:50 chance of survival.
At that stage I hardly knew if I was asleep or awake and I started hallucinating. I went to my doctor who took one look at me and sent me to a specialist. I was kept in hospital for a couple of weeks and put on fairly strong medication to allow me to rest.
I was never given a formal diagnosis. I think my doctor didn't want to put a label on me and I wasn't pushing for diagnosis. All he said was that I was depressed, which covers a lot of things. To be honest I was almost hostile to the concept at the time.
I could only afford to stay in hospital for two weeks. It was such a strain on my family. My wife, who was looking after our other two children, Paraic and Ciara, as well as Michael up in hospital in Dublin was under immense pressure at the time.
When I left hospital I jumped back into ordinary life going straight back to work and travelling to Dublin in the evening.
I have always suspected that I have bi-polar disorder. Looking back I realise that I had a lot of energy following my time in hospital. I was determined that this thing was not going to beat me.
I started doing lots of overtime at work. People told me to slow down but I just laughed at them. I never took time out to relax.
I had been on anti-depressants and I made the decision to come off them myself. I felt I could sort everything out myself.
Eighteen months on I started to suffer from exhaustion and I experienced a very severe episode of depression. I was so low that I thought, "this is it, I am dying and nothing really matters". I was losing hope very fast.
I went to see my doctor again and he put me on more medication. At the time I felt that I didn't have time to be sick. My doctor suggested that I go into hospital again and proposed that I undergo ECT (electroconvulsive therapy).
I was happy to go along with the doctor's recommendations. The procedure itself is very painless. From what I recall it is just like getting an aesthetic - when you wake up it is all over. I had about six sessions of ECT. I felt much more alert after the therapy. It definitely helped.
When I went back to work I realised that I had cut myself off from social structures during that depressive episode. I started to try to do more. I got my sleep and diet sorted and began to exercise. If I walked a mile and did a mile and a half the next week that was progress. I started running with fellas in a running club and eventually in 2003 I ran the Dublin City Marathon. For me running was the only way to express myself.
I have a lot more balance in my life. I worked at having positive things in my life. I put my children more in the centre of my life and got involved in their lives - hurling and scouts. Michael is doing extremely well now and is involved in kick-boxing and drama.
I also started going to Aware group support meetings. I took great encouragement from other people who were fighting similar battles. Later I became a facilitator with the organisation.
I am not sure I want to put a label on what I have. I do feel that at times I was wandering between depression and bi-polar disorder. I was put on mood stabilisers for a while and am on anti-depressants now. Medication gave me time to start reflecting on my life and making long-term plans, not just making rash decisions every day.
In general most people are afraid of depression. People are compassionate and kind but they want to keep distant from it.
My advice to people struggling with depression is to stay away from negative influences. Spend time with real friends, people you respect. Not everyone is lucky enough to have friends like that. I had one friend in particular who always made themselves available to go out for walks and a chat.
Obviously I would advise people in the same boat to get as much professional help as possible and to keep away from alcohol.
Social outlets are so important; sadly so many people think that the only social outlet is the pub.
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