HEART BEAT:The Puck festival is a Kerry institution - come and see for yourselves
THE WREN, like the robin, has been known to nest inside the human skull. That's a useful piece of information, and my passing it on to you is due to the fact that at some ungodly hour the Highest Authority drew my attention to the fact that there was one loose in the house.
A sabre-toothed tiger could not have provoked a more dramatic response. This was accompanied by the request that I should bestir myself and remove it.
The bird, in fact, did not seem disposed to linger and opening a few windows and doors and making wren-menacing noises allowed it to take its leave of us, leaving a few calling cards for which apparently I was to blame. If I had done it the way the HA had told me, that wouldn't have happened. By now a new day outside and I thought: let the stress begin!
Here in Kerry we have entered the PPP - not the public private partnership beloved of our Ruling Elves when they are unable to perform some basic task of government, like building a hospital or a road, themselves - this PPP is far more important and refers to the pre-Puck period. The festival itself is not due until August 10th, 11th and 12th but it doesn't just happen. There is a lot of planning and effort involved to ensure its continuing success.
I surmised idly that if those involved had a shot at running the country we might all be better off. I am not proposing a swap because sure as hell the other bunch couldn't manage Killorglin.
In any case, I found myself speaking at the launch of this most resilient of festivals. I felt obliged to point out that all was not as carefree as in days of yore when common sense was in greater supply.
Clouds were gathering on the horizon. The local judge had foiled the usual attempts to almost close the pubs during the festival. He was well aware that the Pioneer Total Abstinence Association had actually organised the event for some years and that the phrase "enjoy drink sensibly" was coined at Puck; or so I was told.
There were other matters of concern. The Equality Authority was rumoured to be investigating the situation whereby it was always a Billy goat that was crowned King Puck - a clear discrimination against the Nanny goats and the sisterhood.
Who did those yokels in Killorglin think they were - the Catholic Church? This would have to be stamped out, always assuming of course that there was enough money to stamp anything out.
Worse still was in the air. It is a fair and animals are bought and sold. We are told that animals cause more emissions than cars; therefore logically animals will have to be eliminated. Any reasonable person can see that. The Fair must be reduced to the "three card trick" and assorted fortune tellers and the sale of merchandise that was poorly stowed on the backs of lorries.
I almost added the sale of candy floss and burgers but some humourless nosey parker would inevitably tell me that I was responsible for global obesity.
The good citizens heard me out gravely as I outlined the problems and vowed, sensibly and unanimously to ignore them and press ahead, as their generational forebears had done for hundreds of years.
Present also at the launch were representatives of Ireland's other two great fairs; the Old Lammas Fair in Ballycastle and the October Horse Fair in Ballinasloe. There are of course other fairs but possibly not of the same provenance.
Indeed, on the day of the launch, the Cahermee horse fair was held and was a great success with all the horses emitting away happily. This brought to mind the quatrains of a wandering bard in these parts who referred to this occasion:
Abbeyfeale for flour and meal
Cahermee for horses
Newcastlewest was always best
And Boherbue for bastards
I often wondered what they did to the poor man in Boherbue.
These occasions are part of us, who we are and how we got here. I have written about Puck before and tried to convey something of its atmosphere and what it means to Kerry people.
This time I am writing in advance to invite you in the name of the people of Killorglin to come and see for yourselves. Come with open minds and leave preconceived notions behind.
Be prepared to walk and talk and above all, listen.
Shades are gathering around our little island. In darkest times they could not quench the gaiety of Puck.
• Maurice Neligan is a cardiac surgeon