THE BIGGER PICTURE Shalini SinhaSuccess is something we all want. In fact, it is important to our health and wellbeing. Being successful plays a large part in our fulfilment, happiness, empowerment and, therefore, our health. But there are a lot of misconceptions as to what success might be.
How we define success is deeply important - is it a constructive force or is it something that tears us apart?
There is absolutely no doubt that in our society today, we have the impression that accumulating a large amount of money makes us successful.
The other idea that emerges strongly is that of fame. "I want to be rich and famous" is now not only a conceivable answer, but a common one from young people who are asked what they want to be when they grow up.
Money and fame are seen as pursuits in and of themselves, and achieving them is dominantly considered "success" in today's society.
But this is only a superficial consideration of what success might be.
Rather than giving attention to our growth and fulfilment, these ideas are about appeasing us by suppressing our insecurities. As a result, most people who achieve them in force report that they do not in themselves bring satisfaction or happiness. They do not provide a real definition for success.
Money is how we have come to represent resources in this society. It literally gives us access to power and choice.
By acquiring enough money, we hope for the opportunity to gain personal freedom and finally be able to express our unique selves without reproach.
The pursuit of money is actually the search to be able to do whatever you want in fulfilment of your bigger dreams. It is a route "out of the box" and the humdrum of our lives. Mostly, it is our dream that the inequalities, restrictions and barriers we face, as a matter of course, will one day be lifted from us. The fact that this has become so widespread as a definition for success only confirms how oppressive our day-to-day experiences of this society actually are.
Fame is even more deceptive. It is nearly strange that a notion such as fame would develop as an aspiration, a pursuit in itself. And yet, it is an extremely popular one (if you'll excuse the irony).
The realities about fame are not what people believe.
Most of our stars talk about a double-edged sword between needing the media to further their careers, and being plagued by the intrusiveness of paparazzi while dealing with very false projections of themselves.
In fact, the pursuit of fame is deeply rooted in a very personal and early fantasy. We want to be loved. We want to be accepted for who we are by the people around us.
We fear rejection and that we aren't good enough, that no one will love us and that we have no value in the world.
Fame seems to be the one thing that would prove to us we are loveable and worth something. As everyone who has achieved it will testify, it is a mirage nonetheless.
Even more ironic is the fact that you are less able to be yourself, and be accepted for just being yourself, when you become famous. Rather than fulfilling all our hopes and dreams, it encumbers us even more.
We may be popular, but we are also now more often than not, married to a game of illusions rather than able to really express ourselves.
It makes no sense that fame should be considered a definition for success.
It is absolutely true, however, that fame opens doors in our contemporary market economy. It is, in fact, a route to money, and so one that comes back to access to resources and choice. Yet, neither pursuit by itself generates a sense of inner growth, fulfilment, satisfaction, strength or happiness, and so, neither should it be considered a definition for success.
When we are not talking about success in terms of money and fame, we tend to refer to health and happiness to define our goals in life. Indeed, it is the quality of our relationships that ultimately define our success in life. For our relationships with others will determine how much support we have when we do show ourselves and take risks, and provide for us the opportunities to challenge ourselves personally. From this, we can strive for growth in our skill, integrity, empathy and wisdom.
We can strive to think better and in more depth about humanity and ourselves. This, certainly, will define our success.
Finally, success must include our ability to enjoy our lives. We must have fun - it's the best way that humans learn. Creativity, sharing, humour and joy inspire growth and the reconciliation of our relationships.
It is the one way we can truly express our inner selves, enhance the quality of our relationships, and be certain that, as we are loved, we are loved for who we are.
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and counsellor and presents the intercultural programme, Mono, on RTÉ Television. She has a BA in comparative religion and anthropology and an MA in women's studies.