The Bigger Picture: Every form of oppression is achieved only by exerting violence. Sexual abuse is the deepest way to oppress someone. Bringing violence, intrusion and forceful humiliation right inside another's body. Challenging the innumerable pleasure receptors into intense pain. Leaving the marks of violation through closeness. Silencing intelligent and dignified voices. Inflicting the cruellest distortion of beauty.
Similar to the other forms of abuse (physical and emotional), but perhaps more uniquely so, sexual abuse seems to inherently involve secrets and lies, manipulation and suppression.
While there is often only one perpetrator (but sometimes more), all too often there is an entire community complacent - even if only because of a complete lack of ability and courage to face the situation and stand up against it.
As sexual abuse requires the application of the most alert and loving attention for healing to be possible, the presence of such ineptitude leaves thousands of victims isolated and crippled by their experience - re-living victimisation every moment it goes unacknowledged.
This inaction, in turn, creates new generations of adults who are not functioning to the full of their brilliance. Thus, we see how sexual abuse is so deeply confusing and carries such long-lasting effects.
It is not true that sexual abuse cannot be healed. It can be triumphed over. It is not straightforward, however. In order to assist in the healing of just one person, several people must be able to commit a high level of emotional skill, awareness, attention and love. Vigilance is needed and a real belief in the thinking and power of the person who has been victimised - for it were these things that were so grossly and unjustly denied. Time and space are required, free from fears and experiences of being overpowered again, such that a voice can be re-claimed.
A story must be told and a story must be listened to by all those around. In short, a community must engage in the restoration of mental health. Every victim of sexual abuse deserves nothing less.
What we seem to struggle with most is the expression of tears, rage and hysteria. All of these will have been experienced and silenced at the time of the abuse, and so all of these must necessarily be expressed for healing.
It is this that does not happen. Most people fall short of the basic skills of trusting a human being and staying with them as they show us the full extent of the pain and grief they have experienced. We confuse listening to the pain with the time that the pain was inflicted upon them. And we forget that the healing of individuals is the most important thing. We forget this, too, in Ireland.
The Catholic church has shown us (although unwillingly) its inability to listen to and safeguard people who are victimised. It has shown us its struggle and pre-occupation to protect perpetrators. It has revealed to us its complete incompetence to face the deepest of injustices and reach out to the hearts of the most vulnerable. As is the case with all oppressions, this has been most subtly and simply in "not knowing" what to do, and so looking away and doing nothing.
As is the case with all religions, this insitution's dysfunction stands in stark contradiction to the beautiful philosophy of Christianity that holds up love and the end of oppression as its core values.
However, free from religious ideologies and with the emerging information arising from the tribunals and inquiries, our Government is now looking forward to making a similar mistake. Its current goal is "to prevent this from happening again". And so, an inquiry is being pursued on the basis of representative cases and how the issues were handled by the church and State.
This is good. It serves the purpose of developing laws and policies for preventing or dealing with such events again. And, it is meant to save money by hearing only a "representation" of cases. Yet, we continue to lack an institution with resources and structures to prioritise the full and complete healing of each individual. There are people in our society who know exactly what should have been done and what needs to be done to prevent it from happening again. They know because they have been through it, survived and lived with it.
They have had to learn more than any of us about this situation, think through it, and find ways of moving forward. They deserve our attention and support. We must let them lead us on this issue. To do this, they first need us to give them the opportunities for healing.
Unless each victim of sexual abuse is given the resources they need to recover, we may have policies to address the situation when it happens again, but we will not have a population that is able to act better when it happens.
Investing resources into reconciliation and healing, in fact, costs much less than legally assisted inquiries. Most importantly, the long-standing impacts are far more profound.
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and counsellor, practising the Bowen Technique and is part of The Health Squad on RTÉ.