A childhood of risk assessment

Schooldays - allegedly the best days of our lives - are a nightmare for some students

Schooldays - allegedly the best days of our lives - are a nightmare for some students. Many of these students wake in the morning knowing that before the schoolday ends, they will have been called hurtful names, ridiculed, even hit or kicked, because some people have decided they deserve to be punished - for being themselves.

Risk assessment is a constant background reality for gay men and women. This "radar" is forged in the crucible of the school yard and classroom. The use of words such as lesbian, gay, lezzie or queer as terms of abuse can happen at any stage of schooling. These words are not always used to suggest that someone is actually gay or lesbian.

Often, younger children may not understand the meaning of the words. But these words are used to put down children who do not fit in for some reason. When this form of bullying goes unchallenged, children learn that homophobia is acceptable. They grow to hate and despise difference instead of learning to accept and respect others.

Children are bullied and harassed for all sorts of reasons. In primary schools, boys are likely to be accused of being queer if they mix with girls too often. They are accused of the same thing in secondary schools if they don't mix with girls enough.

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During a decade of teaching, over 10 years ago, I can recall that queer or lezzer were the most favoured terms of abuse used in the schools where I taught. The problem endures today, in some respects in a more pronounced way. Today children torment each other with the words gay and frigid (both words used by boys and girls against other boys and girls irrespective of gender).

Imagine yourself as a young person going through puberty. Add to this the feelings of being different, perhaps even being attracted to a person of the same sex. Now take into account the effects of anti-gay bullying. Walking through a crowded school yard, or on the way home, someone calls you queer, faggot or homo - hardly the stuff to build self-esteem. And the dilemma is heightened when you don't know how to respond. I was bullied in this way when I was in primary school. The guy called me a homo.

Eventually, one day, without thinking through what I was doing, I challenged the bully. I'd never been in a fight before. The circle of schoolmates closed in around us as the tussle continued. All I knew was that I had to beat the living daylights out of the guy. In this particular instance it amounted to flooring him and bashing my frozen penny drink, orange-flavoured, to a pulp against his head. Eventually the guy broke down and cried, forced to "take back" what he called me. I walked away shaking, but feeling 10 feet tall. And nobody called me (at least to my face) a homo again.

A number of years ago Barry Loukaitis, a junior high-school student in Moses' Lake, Washington, USA, walked into his algebra class carrying a high-powered rifle under his trench coat. He pointed the gun at a student sitting near the door and pulled the trigger. The boy died instantly. During the next 15 minutes Barry shot two more classmates and his teacher. Only one victim survived the attack. The first student Barry killed, Manuel Vela Jr, was popular, athletic and often bullied Barry.

Even if a student isn't pushed to aim a gun at a classmate, the consequences of bullying are potentially crippling. Long-term effects on a child bombarded with insults can include diminished self-esteem, declining grades, dropping out of school and depression.

A bully's abuse is abrasive and wears down a victim's self-esteem. A child always under stress will be robbed of his or her potential. In essence the bullied child's experience is tantamount to torture. All too frequently the marginalisation, isolation and psychological trauma experienced is not given sufficient attention. Often the negative self-image and worry may be so extreme as to lead to thoughts of attempted suicide.

A study conducted by Dr Ian Rivers, of the College of Ripon and York St John, York, in July 2000, reported that "a large number of lesbian, gay and bisexual students who are bullied by their classmates try to commit suicide".

Fifty per cent of the study's subjects reported contemplating killing or harming themselves. Four in 10 of respondents had actually harmed themselves at least once. And nearly one in five of those involved display symptoms of post-traumatic distress syndrome in later life.

Many victims of homophobic bullying are unwilling to ask for help or suffer from low self-esteem. Schools need to recognise they have gay and lesbian students and provide positive images of gays and lesbians. Generally, young gays and lesbians typically start to become aware of their sexuality by the age of 12, around the onset of puberty. Several years elapse before they fully admit their feelings to themselves, sometimes hoping it's just a phase they're going through. More time passes before they're ready to confide in anyone else. There are pupils going through these ordeals in most classes in secondary schools. Isolation is a common experience.

ClichΘd as it seems, many people still talk of feeling "I thought I was the only one". Their challenge is indeed daunting. Awareness of their sexuality is combined with the realisation that all the negative and derogatory information they've encountered about gays and lesbians now refers to them personally. With lowered self-esteem come feelings of guilt and self-hate.

While other minority groups put down by outsiders find within their community and family a source of solidarity, strength and pride, the isolated gay or lesbian child lacks this supportive niche. Devoid of role models, without any concept of what their life can be, without hope for the future, it's not difficult to understand why young people in this predicament are vulnerable. And that's before labelling as gay or lesbian and homophobic bullying enter into it. Little wonder these children are at serious risk. And all the more amazing is their strength and ability to counter such forces.

Schools, ultimately, are responsible for providing safe environments. Yet the type of behaviour experienced by gay and lesbian children in our schools is savage and unrelenting. It's certainly not what we expect from the supposed safe haven we expect schools to be. One of the top four causes of young people committing suicide, according to a UK Department of Health booklet, published in 1995, is conflict due to sexual orientation. It stands to reason, if young gay men and lesbian women were to receive supportive education, and their peers were encouraged to become more understanding of homosexuality, that many suicides would be avoided.