SOME things just don't mix porter and politics; Dublin and Cork; Europe and television. Combining Europe and television leads, inevitably, to Eurovision. Forty years old now, the Eurovision Song Contest is probably the most derided annual TV event in the world. Curiously, though, it remains one of the most popular. In so doing, it points up a couple of paradoxes.
The first of these is that the Eurovision is watched, not as a musical celebration of European integration but rather as a kind of elaborate game show which highlights historical and political rivalries. Will the Greeks and the Turks throw a few points at each other? The Swedes and the Norwegians? The Irish and the British? Will anybody give a point to the Germans? Will they all have a good laugh yet again and give all the points to Ireland?
The second paradox is that most Europeans broadly favour increasing integration but show limited interest in either learning or talking about it. The subject is generally considered worthy but boring. Furnision, on the other hand, is dismissed as trite but retains an atavistic fascination. Like sport (minus the fervour and the genuine excitement) it has packaged Europe's dark past as a colourful, unthreatening game.
But, apart from the Eurovision Song Contest and great sporting occasions, there is not a great deal of pan European TV watching. Even the wine bores, who have multiplied alarmingly since Ireland entered the EU (then the EEC) have not taken to watching European soap operas in preference to Glen roe or Coronation Street. Perhaps there is a little corner of south Dublin that will be forever Languedoc - with TV5 beaming in Gallic culture. But, if there is, I am, gratefully, unaware of it.
Still, satellite television has made inroads. Grunting being pretty much the same in all languages; sport, pop music and pornography cross frontiers with greater ease than soap operas, sitcoms, current affairs or even documentaries. There are, it is true, classic TV series mostly American, some British - which can be seen in almost every country. But the product of our continental neighbours is less exportable.
Language remains the great barrier. Because America speaks English (well, sort of), English is the international language of television. Then there is the matter of political culture. Only in the last decade have privately owned TV channels begun to flourish in Europe. (Indeed, as late as 1980, only three countries in Europe had private television stations. Except for Britain, Italy and Luxembourg, television was a state monopoly.)
European television was therefore less profit driven than America's and no EU country watched as much TV as the Americans. Hiding behind an often spurious reverence for high culture, the European middle classes (including the British and the Irish) have always been sniffy about TV anyway. Of course, given the huge amount of dross produced to fill television schedules, some of this sniffiness is defensible.
But there is a huge amount of dross in classical culture too. Mind you, for Europe, there is also a huge amount of money in it. And so, the snobbery is perpetuated. A bad production of Racine's Andromaque will be preferred to even the most lyrical episode of Hill Street Blues. Television, a foundation stone - arguably, the foundation stone - of pop culture is widely considered to be so American that, by definition, it is unEuropean.
Such an attitude is less prevalent in Britain or Ireland, where the ubiquity of American made programmes cannot be considered much of a threat to the language we speak. Okay, we get people meeting with other people; pompous businesses in which job descriptions are turned into titles to be tacked onto surnames - Minister Murphy, Chairman Collins, Secretary Smith (why not Binman Byrne?); "ass" for arse and so on. But such imported Americanese, though irritating, is not life threatening.
FOR many European countries though, American cultural imperialism is considered a grave threat to native languages. Television being, at heart, such an American industry, is therefore suspect. It's an understandable attitude but it does mean that, in spite of our, strengthening ties with Europe, we see across the Atlantic and the Irish Sea when we look at the TV listings.
Apart from language, there is another fundamental truth about our relationship with European television. For the most part, British, American and yes, Irish programmes are better made. There are, of course, exceptions. But, for consistently high standards, BBC and the American networks remain world leaders. Sure there is a high propaganda quotient in most of these programmes but they are still the best around.
Viewing patterns may well change drastically as satellite TV continues to expand. With decoder cards and pay per view, the average Irish couch potato may, in the future, spend an evening watching Marketplace, Eurotrash, Greek soccer and Dail Report, rounded off by a nightcap of Red Hot Dutch or Italian housewives getting their kits off. But widespread, pan European television watching remains unlikely.
Perhaps it's just as well. It's cultural diversity and attempts to produce a pan European culture invariably have a contrived, PR feel about them. The Eurovision Song Contest makes the point. The truth is that there really is xenophobia across Europe. Indeed, it is in recognising that and in desiring a market big enough to compete with the Americans, that the EU was born.
So, we get a balancing game between protecting diversity and encouraging integration. On simple matters like money ("Yes, we all want it") it is relatively easy to reach agreements. On complex issues, such as identity and culture, the balancing game is much more delicate. Privately owned, pan European television will seek to make profits from the global natures of sport, pop, porn and movies. But, beyond that, the nation states will mostly look inwards. It's hard to see Fair City playing big in Athens.