The main sources of sexual information for Irish girls are not parents but teenage magazines. Boys seldom buy magazines, but they are happy to read them when they are available.
A recent edition of Bliss, which is read by 11- to 14-year-olds, advertises on its cover: "ALL SAINTS BABY ROW! Mel and Natalie on teenage pregnancy". There's also a promised story on "HOW TO PULL". J17 includes "SEX SPECIAL - 100 things you didn't know about sex". More is popular with slightly older teens and has a cover story: "Have we got a BiG WiLLiE [sic] inside for you!" Also highlighted across the front cover is "Warning! 12 months of rumpy-pumpy ahead - HORNY HOROSCOPES: Orgasms ahoy for the coming year!" It is natural that teenagers who read these magazines will have questions about the contents. Only a tiny minority have the freedom to be open and ask at home. The majority discuss the questions that such articles give rise to with their peers, without any great awareness that their own attitudes to sex are influenced by them.
Relationships and sexuality education must take account of what students read. The teacher who is prepared to create the classroom atmosphere which encourages pupils to dialogue openly and be honest about what they want to know is putting herself in a very vulnerable position. There is a possibility that students will come up with questions that parents might find shocking and objectionable. I regularly suggest to parents that they go into their local newsagent, ask what magazines young people their child's age are reading and purchase them. Even the covers are an eye-opener for most adults. Magazines influence the attitudes of students to sex. Some teachers who would like to challenge the value-free attitudes these magazines promote are afraid to do so because they are sensitive to the parent who might object.
They also want to protect the student who does not read them from being introduced to their salacious contents.
The teacher who listens to young people will hear queries that mirror the information in magazines. A few weeks ago, a 16-year-old student asked me: "Is sex better with someone you know?" When I said "I wonder why you are asking me that", she delved into her schoolbag and handed me the January edition of The B report.
Included in the advice given was "Have sex with someone you fancy". It went on: "OK it's obvious - but hands up who's had sex with someone they haven't fancied and then wondered why they've woken up feeling miserable." "A one night stand doesn't have to be a disaster," it advised. "Sex for sex's sake doesn't mean you are desperate or pathetic. Don't go to bed with someone expecting that they will fall madly in love with you or that you are going to have fantastic sex with a stranger."
What is implicit in some teenage magazines and explicit in others is that young people are expected to have sex with more than one partner.
Teenagers I worked with recently were very honest and gave me permission to quote their views. "If two people want to use each other, there is no harm done," one said.
Another commented: "A girl wants a boyfriend for image, looks, relationship, money. A boy wants a bit on the side - casual sex without commitment. Both might want companionship and agree to a one-night stand. A girl might use a boy to get back at her boyfriend: if he is with my friend I'll be with his." It is quite shocking for parents to find that neither a loving relationship, commitment or marriage are regarded as prerequisites to having sex. Some teens publicly admit that they go out to "get their bit" at the weekend.
What is particularly worrying is many of them are ignorant of the sexual history of partners. They are unaware that they are at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. A sensitive teacher will use reflective listening to challenge young people to explore their own attitudes to couple relationships. She will invite them to examine the physical, emotional and spiritual consequences of sexual behaviour that is considered acceptable in their peer group.
Telling them that sex is sacred and should be saved for a loving monogamous relationship may be rejected as out-of-touch teaching. Encouraging them to discover for themselves that having sex is a life-changing decision is probably a more effective way to discourage promiscuous behaviour, promote fidelity and find sound reasons to delay sexual activity.
