How casual is teenage `sex with a stranger'?

There is a perception in Irish society that promiscuous behaviour is socially unacceptable. It goes against either the religious or moral code of most people.

The dictionary definition of "promiscuous" as "having sexual relations not limited by marriage or co-habitation" is far too narrow a definition of what I mean when I write about promiscuity. It is not my intention to scaremonger and terrify the life out of parents when I suggest that promiscuity means engaging in casual sex with more than one partner. This is simply part of "the scene" for a significant number of adolescent boys and girls.

During the summer a court case highlighted what happens when some teenagers congregate. A 15-year-old girl and her friend decided to check out "the scene" in a wood beside a school in a middleclass Dublin suburb. Some friends were there when they arrived. They sat around drinking cider, talking and enjoying a laugh.

Many of the teenagers were "meeting" - one of the slang terms young people use for French kissing.

The girl in question got a little drunk and after "meeting" a boy agreed to go into the bushes to give him a blow-job.

She came back and sat with a different young lad who put his arm around her. She "got off" with the second boy and accepted his invitation to go into the wooded area.

He asked for oral sex. She agreed and was down on her knees when he suggested they have intercourse. She refused. He tried to coax her, but she said "no". In court, she said he pushed her over on her back, pulled her jeans down roughly and raped her. The girl told her friend, who suggested she make a complaint to the Garda that night. She didn't - because she didn't want her parents to find out; however, a fortnight later, she reported the alleged incident.

The now-19-year-old accused was acquitted by a Central Criminal Court of raping the girl. It would be foolish to pretend that only two or three people in that group were going into the bushes. While it is true that the majority of teenagers do not engage in casual sex with more than one partner in an evening, it would be equally irresponsible to pretend that that it is either an isolated or rare incident. Whether we like to admit it or not, there are teenagers who see nothing wrong with engaging in sexual intimacy with nearstrangers.

This casual attitude to has its origins in primary school, where many girls and boys believe there is noting unusual in kissing someone whose name they don't even know.

If boys gain the status of being sexy and attractive when they "get off" with multiple partners at discos, is it surprising that they continue with this behaviour as they get older?

This is how a primary schoolgirl told me what you have to do to be "in with the crowd". (Notice that there is no mention of love or becoming friends with the boy, just the recognition of sexual attraction and the need to be like her friends.) "A girl might be uncomfortable because she could be the only `frigid' (girl who has not kissed a boy). She wouldn't ask her friends to go over unless she wanted to meet the boy. She could be scared if she asked him and he said no."

The seeds of promiscuous behaviour are sown when young people casually accept that kissing in the absence of an affectionate relationship is okay.

As soon as they want to show a partner that he or she is special, there is pressure to allow more intimate sexual behaviour. It is shocking to discover how blase many teenagers are about engaging in mutual masturbation and oral sex on the first or second date. Teenagers who are engaging in high-risk sexual behaviour need to be alerted to the potential dangers of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and the emotional trauma associated with having an STD.

Even more importantly, they need to be taught about loving relationships and moral values. Sex education starts in the family and is powerfully influenced by parental attitudes. Any complaint about inadequate sex education is always a complaint about inadequate communication between parents and children.